HOVA
by 2degreesabovefreezing
Summary: The Nova Sagittarius was a ship that would take myself and countless other passengers on a one month trip around our solar system. But things went wrong; the ship changed and just like that, we were stranded. We got to know each other but more than that, we got to know ourselves.
1. Into the Endless

HOVA

_Into the endless…_

In this world, the unknown is plentiful. We may know where we are but we can never know where we're going or how we'll get there. All we know for certain is that we _will_ get there, wherever that is, and we will learn to cope with our existence in that location.

I, for one, have never meddled in the affairs of fate. I've never considered myself a particularly superstitious person either but I also have an understanding of the universe. That understanding is that I don't understand it at all and therefor will stay the hell out of its way.

I was preparing the board The Nova Sagittarius that fall with mild excitement tremoring through my fingers. You see, I had never been on a starship before. It had been so recently that humans were introduced to luxury space travel, we had shied from that frontier for lack of experience. Still, a few lucky ducks could afford a spot on the ship and spend a month touring around our beautiful galaxy.

I was not one of those lucky ducks, though. I was there on business, catering meals for the passengers and earning a crumb of a wage for it. I may not have been enthusiastic to jump aboard a cramped and sweaty space-kitchen but there were other things to look forward to. Like, for example, _the view_. Nothing was more beautiful than a glide-bye shot of milky-blue tidal waves cascading into an all but endless sea of diamond stars.

When I was first offered the gig, I was hesitant. The technology was not our own, it was introduced to us by some of our interstellar alliances, species of sentient life with gears that ticked just a minute faster than our own. Everybody had assumed that humans would be the ones roaming the void and discovering new planets but the opposite was true. They strolled up in their fantasy vessels and offered us gifts of friendship, including insight on how they constructed their massive ships.

Humans may have been able to build ships but the whole business was a matter of quantum physics that we just didn't grip. No matter how hard we tried, we couldn't wrap our brains around it. So, to solve this little dilemma, we asked our alliances to help us with the programming and teach the ships how to fly themselves. They map a course, they steer, they accelerate and decelerate just like they're supposed to. Humans need not lay a hand on the wheel.

With one last lucky pat to Earth's soil, I headed into my terminal, suitcase rolling along obediently in my shadow. The terminal would take me to the boarding dock and then into the awaiting ship. The suitcase was one the company had lent me so naturally, it was a smart and expensive little contraption. It was a square-shaped and pocket-filled only, it scooted along without me even looking back at it. It sensed my movement and stayed close, it would even sound alarms if someone were able to snatch it.

There were many reasons I liked it but also one huge reason I hated it. _People stared_. I had to walk all the way to my damn terminal with children squealing and parents pointing. _"He's not even touching it."_ They gawked, making me blush and walk faster. I didn't like attention being drawn to me, to my messy mop of brown hair, to my untidy blue uniform complete with apron and "Big Dish International" printed across my uniform cap.

"_Lovino_." I looked up when I heard my name called and found one of my supervisors waving me over to her. Her name was Julia, she was nice but much more hardworking than I was and therefor our shifts together often ended in conflict. Still, she smiled and touched my arm briefly.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Jay wants us to wait here for Nora, it's her first flight. Your's too, right?" I nodded. Was it obvious? Was I shaking as bad as I thought I was. "It'll be fine," she reassured, "Nova Sagittarius is a good ship, she's been out a few times before with no problems. It's Nora you should worry about. God help us if she doesn't have a panic attack."

"Who else are we waiting for?"

"Most everyone from teams A through F are already aboard, Jay's bringing a couple more. He'll be here soon."

"What about Bella?"

"She's staying on Nova Taurus with Feliciano."

"When do they leave?" I glanced down at my wrist to check my watch. I called it a watch but it did so much more than tell the time. It could read me the temperature and the altitude, it could take calls, alert me of radiation or an appending natural disaster, it even beeped when my heart rate got too high! Its little blue screen blinked to life as I tapped it, showing that my brother had not called me.

"They're the last out of here. Let's see… Nova Virgo leaves at eight so they must leave at nine." She took notice of the way I verified over and over that I hadn't missed a call. "Relax, Lovino. You can call him once all three ships have synchronized. He's fine."

"I hope so-" I was interrupted by a hard shove against my back, making me jerk forward and catch myself.

"Sorry! Oh, gosh, sorry." He said, trying to rearrange the massive load in his arms. "I didn't hurt you, did I?" He asked playfully. Upon closer investigation, I discovered that this stranger had the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen. They weren't bright and sparking like emeralds, they were dull and lively like grass. I couldn't help but stare back at them.

Then a the box at the top of his heap began to slide.

"Oh! Got it." I called and grabbed it before it could fall, earning a dumb smile from the stranger who thanked me briefly. I took a couple more boxes, anything to hide the rising embarrassment and declared to Julia that I was going to help him take them in.

"You have to check in, it's pretty confusing." She protested. Julia was the motherly type or at least, the type that likes to feel depended on by the smaller and weaker.

"This your first time?" The man butted in. I nodded. I didn't feel like saying much, maybe because my stomach was getting ill with anxiety or maybe I was feeling a bit threatened by his good looks. He wasn't handsome per say but he was charming in an approachable way. He had evenly-tanned Hispanic skin, curly chocolate hair, and surprisingly enough, bright, grass green eyes. "I can show him, it's fine. Don't worry, these trips are really fun. Well,_ I've_ always had fun but maybe because I always go with friends." He laughed. His smile was too big and too bright for someone entering a month-long work trip.

"Okay, but be careful, Vargas. Don't get lost." The supervisor sent me a small smile before tapping her watch, presumable to notify Jay of the change in schedule.

"I'll watch out for him~" The tan boy chirped before leading me further into the terminal. His excitement carried him far on those long legs and left me trotting behind him and panting as quietly as I could. "Don't forget your- oh! How neat! Does it follow you all the time?" He asked, looking back at the navy-blue luggage that I had come to call Fidelito.

"Yeah."

"It's like a puppy!"

"What's in the boxes?" I interrupted.

"Well, what you have there is a water filtering system and here in these boxes we have some mineralizers."

"For what?"

"Seaweed harvesting." I had heard about that. Seaweed is rich in vitamins, they use it as fertilizer for the on board plants and lunch for the employees.

"So how long have you been in the seaweed harvesting business?"

"I'm just a technician. I'm here for the free ride. How about you? Big Dish International? That must be a fun job."

I groaned aloud. "_It's a joy ride_."

"It can't be all too terrible. After all, you're here now and that makes it worth it! You're going to love it."

"How many times have you been out?"

"Two other times. Once on this _same_ ship."

"Were you harvesting seaweed?"

"No, not that time. I was actually helping with the language neutrality systems and the auto navigation."

"You can work the navigation system!?"

"No! Of course not! I was just there to repair circuits or oil leaks. That machine is out of our league by a long shot."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, there's a reason it drives itself. That technology is centuries above our time. No human brain could control much less _create_ a piece of equipment fine as that."

"What about meteors? What's to keep it from colliding with a hunk of space dirt and totaling itself?"

"Oh, that's no problem. The ship has a course and once it's set, it won't change for the world. It must use radar or something because it goes right around obstacles and keeps on going till it gets where it wants to get."

Our discussion was interrupted when Antonio took notice of a tall, odd looking creature approaching us in the terminal. "Hey, Mr.J!" He called out, singing the words so that they rhymed.

The creature looked at us with obvious annoyance. "I've told you before, Antonio. I wish you would call me Mr. Jaro. Full names are considered a formality on your planet, are they not?" He was probably seven foot tall and wore what appeared to be traditional clothing from his native culture, a clean and pressed robe tied around his waist by a sash. As for his appearance, he was relatively hairless with a human like facial structure and rough, dark, taupe skin. His species was more common on Earth because, like humans, they breathed oxygen with the assistance of inhalers that provided higher levels of sulfur. They were much like us except that they were more skilled philosophers and physiologists than we.

"What ship are you on?" The boy, whose name was revealed to be Antonio, asked.

"Sagittarius. And yourself?" He was awful polite. He said everything with this grand, foreseeing tone and made soft gestures when he spoke.

"Sagittarius. Hey, meet my friend…damn! I forgot to even ask your name!" He realized.

"_Lovino_." I introduced myself and balanced the boxes on my hip so that I could shake the long, slender hand that was offered to me.

"That's a nice name." Antonio butted in, forcing his hand into mine at the next opportune moment. So far, I was unsure of my fondness for Antonio. He was more talkative and friendly than someone ought to be to a stranger. Mr. Jaro picked up on this like a physic.

"Antonio, why don't you take it easy on your new friend? This is his first trip after all, he must be nervous enough without your badgering."

"You're right! Sorry, Lovi!"

Mr. Jaro took one look at my face of disgust before proclaiming, "He doesn't like that nickname. Honestly, Antonio, you'll never be able to develop any sort of intimate relationship with this boy if you can't learn to read even the most obvious body language." And with that, he excused himself and left.

"Don't mind him, he's a regular wise guy. Hey, I think they open the café early for staff, let's get a coffee or something. That'll calm your nerves."

"I'm _not_ nervous, I'm just slightly… cautious."

"Why? The ships have never crashed and there's no room for human error."

"My brother was supposed to be on Sagittarius with me but last week they changed his schedule to even out the personalities and have a better work environment."

"Once the ships are synchronized, you'll be able to communicate with him and there'll be nothing to worry about!"

"Yeah, I know."

"But that doesn't ease your worrying? Don't you trust him to take care of himself?"

"Of course I do! Or… I don't know. It's none of your business, okay?"

"Tell me what still worries you. I'm one of the most experienced people on this ship, I can make it better." I glanced up into those curious green orbs and found myself wanting to trust him. I hadn't known him longer than a few minutes yet I felt like I could sit down with him and let the load fall off my chest. I carried with me pounds of anxiety and stress and they only accumulated more weight as we approached departure.

"I just… I keep having a feeling that this time, there's going to be a mistake on one of the ships and I'm going to lose my brother."

"That won't happen. Like I said, when a ship has a course, it won't lose it for the world. No matter what, we'll all meet back up on Earth in just a month. Even if we lose synchronization, you'll only have to wait a matter of days till you see him next. Besides, what can happen in space?"

"We could hit a meteor."

"Auto-pilot."

"We could be swallowed by a giant space monster."

"Come on, now you're just creating scenarios. You need some coffee."

"What about the space monster? Isn't that possible?"

"They've used this route a hundred times, if there's a giant monster-infested planet nearby, well, then we're probably almost home."

"Hey, do you have a cigarette on you?"

"You smoke?"

"No, but I'm thinking about taking it up."

"No, sorry. My lungs have enough to worry about with my asthma."

"Yeah, I figured. I couldn't afford the hobby anyways."

"It does get expensive. Yearly pollution tax, public smoking tax, unrecyclable waste tax, and add on top the cash you'd dish out just for a carton. It's not a poor man's game."

"_I never said I was poor_." I snarled.

"Nobody has much money now-a-days. All the people boarding today are just about all the people who can afford an extravagance like that."

I didn't feel like arguing. I was preoccupied glancing around at the unusual and unwelcoming atmosphere. They designed the ship and its terminals to look like they came right out of a retro-science fiction story. Chrome clung against the interior of the long, dome-like hallway. On the rubber-matted floor was printed a line to separate the two lanes. In our lane it read "Boarding" ever couple yards. In the other lane was printed "Returning". I glanced out the window to were Earthian soil was still visible from our height of fourty-one stories in the air. I wondered what it would be like when I returned to it again. Would I feel like a hero? Would I miss it immensely? I didn't want to leave it at all. I wanted more time, just a little bit.

Antonio woke me up from my day dreaming as the check-in area came into view. "Do you want to sit down for a while?" He asked kindly. "I know that, at least on my first trip, it was hard to say goodbye to this place. I mean, we've grown up here, right? Boarding kind of feels like the –point-of-no-turning-back."

That's exactly what it felt like. I grunted in agreement before taping my calf twice, the signal for Fidelito to come close enough for me to sit on him. Antonio did the same on his manual rolling luggage. "So," He began, "When you're ready, we'll get checked in, find our rooms and grab a cup of coffee. Sound good?"

"Yeah, that's fine." The low, almost inaudible hum of white noise echoed through the terminal, probably a result of the ship's mammoth engines. It was both extremely comforting and unsettling. People of all ages, colors, and species busily bustled by as if this were the most normal thing to them. It was mostly humans, seeing as this was a trip to and from our planets but every once in a while a family like would stroll by, chatting and scolding the children. They called themselves Autrias but nobody ever bothered with specie names.

Midounians were the only other prevalent species roaming through the terminal but they were only there as a novelty. Midounians were another human-resembling species with no purpose on the ship besides being a tourist attraction. They were beautiful, gelatinous creatures who loved to do tricks for an interested audience so naturally, they were hired to tend the bar. They would pour drinks and make good tips by playing with bubbles of water like limp balloons.

I looked over at Antonio who was watching as passengers went in and out of the check-in. Feeling my eyes on him, he turned to me and smiled. "It's great, isn't it? It's like a completely different world."

"It's different."

He let out a breathy laugh. "It's Lovino, right? I like you."

I tightened my jaw as I felt the heat inching up my skin. "You caught me in an especially quite mood. You won't like me tomorrow."

"I don't think that's true. I'm a very good judge of character." A part of me wanted to bitterly suggest that he change ships and spend the month with my brother instead but I repressed that urge. I settled with just scoffing at him and giving my attention back to the walk way of strangers.

"I take it you're trying to ignore me now. I _will_ make you like me, Lovino Vargas."

"What's with all the informality? You just assume you know people."

"No, knowing somebody takes more time. I guess it's intuition."

"I think I'm ready to get that drink know." I announced, hoping to shift the attention.

"We've only just sat down." He mentioned but rose anyway. "You're quite the trooper. My first flight, I stared out the window for a good long time." He grabbed his suitcase and started rolling, I followed at his side. "But, you know, it figures. I've always been a bit shy to new things but you look like a real tough cookie."

"You don't look shy at all." I protested.

"I disguise it well."

So we had more in common than I thought. We were both scared and we both piled on layer after layer of shells until our fear was masked as confidence. The check-in booth was manned by a broad, strong-looking woman with a thick Southern American accent. Antonio did all the work for me. He would talk to her, turn to me, ask for a card or slip of some sort and present it to the woman. This process was repeated until everything I had was stamped, clipped or signed and we could pass through to the second bag check.

I wasn't allowed to bring uncertified weapons, nonprescription drugs, or foreign plant matter onto the ship. The drug one was a give or take. I had heard that if you had just a bit of dope they would probably let you slip by but that was another hobby I couldn't afford. Our bags were fed into a rotating belt and into an x-ray machine. On the screen appeared an image of the bag's contents along with a list of each item. Antonio's went through fine (with the exception of the boxes which would be scanned separately and delivered to the plant later in the day) When it was my turn, both the monitor and my face became a bright shade of red.

One screen displayed a bird's-eye-view of my open suitcase, in which four shapes were outlined in red. The other screen had a written-out grocery list of each of my belongings, the last three lines spelled out:  
>51-COUNT PILLS<br>29-COUNT PILLS  
>10-COUNT PILLS<p>

All in red, all in caps. The security man asked me if he could open my bag and I complied, withering in embarrassment. He pulled out one of the bottles and asked me to identify it. "Zimiplex." I mumbled, cursing him in my head. I hated being the subject of a scene. To make it worse, he turned to the computer and manually typed in:  
>29-COUNT ANTI-DEPRESSANT ZIMIPLEX<p>

He then had me identify the other two bottles, one of which was an anxiety reducer and the other was a panic solution. It allowed me to escape into unconsciousness if my mental situation became life-threatening. I had never used them but I liked to have them. When he was done entering them into the computer, he packed the antidepressants and anxiety medications back into my bag but moved the panic pills on a counter behind him.

"What are you doing with those?" Antonio barked just as I opened my mouth to do the same.

"I have a prescription for them." I added just to feel like I had done something.

"Relax. They'll be moved to the medical center for safety. If you need them, you can pick them up. Can I see your room key?"

I dug the card out of my wallet and handed it to him despite my protests. "I want to have them with me. If I need them, they need to be with _me_."

"I'm sorry, but distribution of this medication could have serious consequences."

"Look, if you can't abide by the medication rules, maybe you're too sick to take a trip like this right now."

"I'm not sick!" I hissed.

"There's nothing I can do for you, I'm sorry."

At that point, Antonio took my shoulders and rushed me through before I could let out a string of frustrated curse words. He grabbed our approved bags and my room key, which had been marked to allow me my medication. We sat down on the closest bench where he retrieved an antianxiety pill from my bag and I wiped at the little bit of wetness around my eyes. I always cried out of frustration, it was a terrible trait but with the mix of stress and fear, it was inevitable.

Antonio put the pill in my palm, I tossed it into my mouth, he offered me his water bottle, I took a swig and swallowed. "You really are a trooper." He remarked.

I didn't say anything even though I wanted to. I wanted to say that a trooper doesn't need don't-kill-yourself pills in the first place, a trooper doesn't start crying over a disagreement, and a trooper isn't completely pathetic.

"Don't worry, I've got your back now. If anything goes wrong, I'll be there."

"What makes you think I want your help?"

"I can tell." He said with a smile. "We're already friends."

"_Can you just mind your own god damn business?_" I growled. I had used that line on so many people and it always succeeded in making them leave me alone. Well… most always.

"Oh, you're just saying that. You don't mean it." He said and he was right.

"Fuck off! You don't know me!" I countered.

"Why are you so desperate to make me leave you? You could run, I wouldn't chase you. Yet you stay… why do you need me to reject you?" I clenched my teeth together tight, feeling the tears bubble up again. What right did he have to say that!? He didn't even know me yet he was making assumptions about me that were so painfully true. I hated him yet… I wanted to be with him for a reason that I could not understand. He looked me over and his expression turned into one of guilt. "I'm sorry, Lovino. I shouldn't have said that. Let's go, let's get that drink we were talking about." He helped me up and led me along.

Just like he had predicted, I wouldn't run or fight. I had nothing to say. I thought I had understood Antonio when I met him, a happy-go-lucky idiot who skips around hugging puppies and giving change to the poor. But what else was he? He had more than just a couple pieces. I suddenly felt compelled to satisfy both the curiosity and awe I had for him.

Before I could ask anything, the hall opened up into the body of the ship. It was massive. Everything was covered in chrome, glass, or polished tile. It was so clean-looking, the image of everything science fiction books promised. What drew the most attention was the large, round window on the far wall of the courtyard. I imagined what it would look like when it faced out into the endless void of stars and planets. Antonio handed me an open map from a nearby brochure trolley.

"This is how it is. Right now, we're in the courtyard. This is where people come to talk and eat. All the restaurants, like yours, are in here. There are two exits out of the courtyard. The left exist goes to the housing, the right goes to recreational activities. That's where the shops, the bar, the pool, the theatre and things like that are."

"Where's the seaweed plant?" I asked.

"Seaweed stinks pretty bad so they keep it tucked away in the back of the right wing. Oh, and the medical center will be right at the entrance of the left wing. Got it?"

"What are these?" I asked, running my finger over a string of three tumorous bulbs off the side of the courtyard.

"Those are pods."

"What are they for?" I prompted.

"I've never seen them used before. I think people could ride them out."

"But nobody does?"

"I've never seen it."

He walked me to Big Dish International which was a buffet style restaurant. Nobody was especially glad to see that I had made it safely. A couple of girls batted their lashes at Antonio and one person asked about Nora and Julia. I was glad to be out of there. Next, we went to my room. It was fairly plain, the bed was surprising large which I was glad for. I tapped a three digit code into Fidelito which told him to power down. The antianxiety pills had begun to take effect, I could breathe easier now and talk comfortably with Antonio.

"You're room is actually pretty close to mine." He mentioned. "You're 41120 and I'm in 41133. I'm just down the way a bit."

"Great." I grumbled sarcastically.

"We should go to dinner tonight. What's your schedule like?"

Normally, I would protest the idea all together but instead I answered with, "I won't know until we take off."

"Here." He pressed the face of his watch to mine and hit both of our connection buttons, allowing for us to receive each other's number. "Call me when you know and we'll figure something out. Free meal cards are a perk of working on the ship."

"What cards?"

"Free meal cards! Employees have a certain amount of credit they can use at the courtyard every day. It covers a meal as long as you don't order anything too fancy. All your other meals you get from the employee cafeteria. Employee food kind of sucks but the free meal makes up for it. It's in your room key."

"That's cool." I inspected the card as if it had some sort of hidden value other than being a slip of plastic. "When do we synchronize with Virgo and Taurus?"

"Once all three are in the air so nine-thirty probably. In fact…" He glanced at his watch, "We'll be out of here in fifteen minutes or so."

"Where are all the passengers?"

"There's a special take-off and landing area for them with seatbelts and all."

"What about the employees?"

"You hold on!" He cheered.

"Isn't that dangerous!?"

"No, it's a lot of fun, actually! Hey, we should go have that coffee now."

That didn't dismiss my fears of take-off but it set them aside for a minute as we sat down at Café Donde and ordered two coffees. Those were free for employees. Our order was taken by a little rolling humanoid robot they called Chacho. He was another novelty, meant to look cute and draw in customers. Antonio talked excitedly to the machine, asking it how it's day ways and shaking its hand.

We agreed to have a celebratory dinner that night and afterwards, he promised to give me a full tour of Sagittarius. The captain came over the speaker and told us that they were preparing for take-off, we should report to our work places, and to enjoy the trip.

At Big Dish international, I found that I only managed to get along with a handful of employees, Nora and Julia being two of them. Nora was a small Hispanic girl, very agile but also very friendly. Julia was from Massachusetts, she was helpful but also harbored a need to be the leader. It was her who had us all gather in the pantry and protect the shelves so that during take-off, nothing would slid off or break.

Take off was shaky but manageable. There was a haunting silence in the pantry, a shared uneasiness but once we were in the air, we all forced ourselves to get over it and cope with the fact that we were no longer on Earth bound. "All right, everybody! Good job!" Julia announced. "To your stations please, passengers will be released any time now."

Nobody had the heart to make shaken little Nora work so she sat in the pantry and composed herself while the others and myself stocked trays of food. Julia stopped me and asked to talk to me in the pantry. I obliged, worrying that they had grown tired of me and decided to shove me out without a suit. They wouldn't do that in front of Nora though, right.

"Lovino," she said, closing the door. Nora perked up and silently waved at us. Unexpectedly, Julia thrust something at me and I took it out of instinct. "It's the key to the freezer." She explained. "I'm entrusting it to you for the rest of the trip. Don't lose it, okay?"

"Wait, what freezer!?" I exclaimed and took a quick look around to assure myself that there was no freezer in the pantry. Unless she meant to two-foot-tall electric cooler that was tucked away in the corner next to Nora.

"It's in the employee cafeteria. You unlock it at five every morning and let the different restaurant representatives pick up what they need for the day then you lock it and don't open it again unless someone brings you and order form. Food is very strictly handled here, you always have to keep that freezer locked."

"Why me!? I don't want that responsibility!"

"Because you're not a very trusting person, Lovino. No one's going to bat their eyes at you and persuade you to give them the key. It's just not going to happen."

"Can I refuse?"

"You _can_ but-"

"I refuse!"

"Jesus, Lovino! Will you just listen? If you do this, your free meal credit triples. It's worth it, isn't it?"

"If it's worth it, why don't _you_ keep the key?"

"Because I honestly think you're the best one for the job. Besides, maybe I _like_ seaweed salad and pork chunks." She joked before touching my arm in her motherly way again. "I know you can do it, no one's ever had a problem with it before. What do you say?"

I mauled it around in my head for a while. What I did next I would _never _admit to anyone. "Can the extra meal credit be split between two persons?"

Antonio and I met for dinner later that evening as planned. My shift didn't end until eight so by the time I was able to meet him outside Café Donde, he was starving. "You had lunch, didn't you?" I asked as he held his stomach and grumbled.

"I tried! I can only eat so much seaweed before I starts to taste like poison."

"Stop being such a baby! I thought it was fine."

"Wait until you're staring at it for hours. Those big, lumpy, paper weeds quickly become your least favorite thing in the world. But it's fine because now we're going to have some _real_ food. Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know my options."

"Oh, right! Well, the café's got some sandwiches and biscuits but that's not much of a celebration dinner. We could go to a couple different places, actually. What kind of food do you like?"

"Italian." I answered decisively.

"I know where they have Italian food! Okay, follow me." He commanded and frolicked off with me trailing behind the best I could. He was so damn happy, I could never see why. We sat down and immediately had our orders taken do to the fact that there were not many people to wait on so late at night. Antonio asked me about my day and replied that it was better than I thought but pretty boring.

"_But the sky~"_ he cooed as if reading poetry, "It's so beautiful."

"It is." I looked out the large courtyard window and saw a cloud of blue and pink stars bigger than anything I had ever known to exist. Clusters of white and metallics splattered in every emptiness. There was not an unfilled inch, the sky was an electric parade of color and excitement.

Our food came out soon after we ordered it. After Antonio saw the rolling robot waiter, humans paled in comparison. The food was good, not the best but good. "So, what did you do before Big Dish International?" He asked and shoveled another bite of lasagna into his mouth.

"A lot of stuff but nothing worth a dime. I thought I would be an artist one day but that dream's the definition of unrealistic."

"What kind of artist?"

"A couple kinds. I did a lot of painting when I was younger and then I decided I was a dancer. I wish my parents had burst that bubble when I was younger, it would have saved me a lot of time and money."

"Don't say that! It's a great dream!"

"See, the thing is, to me it was more than a dream. It was like a prophesy, I spent so much time living in this dream world and when it was time to wake up, I fell flat on my ass."

"You could still be an artist, you are so young."

I stared down into my cup of tea. It was so easy to fall back into that mentality, it was so easy to summon the dream back up until it overtook reality. I shook my head. "What about you? What did you do before the whole technician business?"

"Well, I was never as focused as you. I played a lot of sports in high school and I told everybody I was going to be a soccer star. Then this job came along my senior year, a couple other boys in the team were going to do it so I jumped on board. At the beginning, we were just sweeping floors in a car garage but eventually we were fixing the cars too and it just stuck."

"Why don't you go back to sports?"

He shrugged and sipped his coffee. "I never wanted my dream as bad as you did. I like this job though, I get to travel and meet all sorts of people and do a lot of different jobs."

"It's a steadier income too. You do soccer for a couple years then they knock you down and Wifey has to take a second job. It never works out well."

"I'm not married."

"No, I didn't think you were. You're not wearing a ring."

He laughed. "You looked?" I blushed. "I'd like to say I swing both ways but I've never found someone who really interests me."

It was obvious what we were doing now. _It was obvious_. I didn't know what to do other than be appalled and push him away, after all, that was my natural reaction. Something was different this time. I wanted to flirt back, I wanted to have more of his attention. "Yeah, I know what you mean." I mumbled, flickering my eyes up from my food briefly.

He pretended to be uninterested, picking at his plate and looking out the window. "Nothing seems like a challenge anymore, that's the problem. All the people I run into are the same. I can take a girl out for a date and know what she'll want tomorrow. I like puzzles, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." My behavior was extremely out of character and I wasn't sure why. Naturally, my move would be to pay as little attention to him as possible and retire to my room early. Now it was different. I was suddenly wondering if we would go back to his room. Lust is a natural feeling and plenty of people take strangers to bed but I had never considered myself one of those people. I didn't know what would become of us but for the first time ever, I didn't want it to be nothing. "Hey, Antonio…"

"Yeah?"

"What are we doing?" I asked, cutting down to the heart of the matter.

The boy sighed. "I don't know. I'm never this forward, I don't know what's wrong. I mean, I really like you."

"But are we…" We both knew that sentence ended in "_going to bed together tonight?"_

"No, I can't. I don't want to ruin this."

"Yeah, I mean, it's whatever." All at once, the awkwardness filled in between us.

"Let's get out of here. Are you done eating?" He offered, a big smile spread across his face.

I checked the mostly empty bowl of pasta. "Yeah, we can go."

"Great." He called for the check and we both gave our room keys. When the waiter returned, he handed us our keys back and stated what was left of today's balance. Antonio's expression became one of shock. "That's wrong. That's more than I had before the meal."

"No, sir, that's the correct amount." The waiter shyly replied.

"But-"

"Thanks." I interrupted, handing the check book back to the waiter who just nodded and left. The boy wouldn't stop making this ugly confused face.

"I got this temporary promotion at work, they said I could add extra meal credit to two employee accounts and you were the only person on the ship who I knew the account number of so…"

He stared at me, eyes wide and an undecipherable emotion painted across them. Before I could ask him what he was looking at, he reached over the table, grabbed my collar, and pulled my lips up to his. It only lasted a moment before he released me and covered his mouth as if he had just touched it to something disgusting. "_Shit_, sorry. I mean, _thank you_…" He rubbed his lips together, unsure of what to say. "Let's hit the bar, drinks on me? Okay? I need a drink. But first… first I need to change, god this uniform stinks like salt water and algae. I'm going to go change, okay?"

I nodded slowly, not sure what else to do. Nobody had ever kissed me so spontaneously nor had that look in their eyes when they did so. I though kisses were either pity pecks or the sloppy, lustful mashing of mouths. Antonio had given me neither. His was small but desperate, short but necessary.

"Twenty minutes okay? Meet me at the Jellyfish in twenty minutes. Oh, that's the name of the bar. Sorry, I forgot that you don't know these things. Sorry, I'll just leave now."

"Okay." I mumbled as he rushed away in the direction of his room. I ordered another tea and sat there, sipping it, thinking about the curly-headed boy who came into my life like a meteor. He was a flash of light followed by a catastrophe. I had taken strangers to my bed before out of loneliness and woken up loathing myself. Would that happen again? Would Antonio spend one sweaty, dirty night with me and roll his eyes at me the next? Would he need anything else? He didn't seem like that kind of person but how did I know what kind of person he was? He was a stranger to me.

I finished my tea and decided to go looking for a bathroom. They were simple enough to find, on the map they were marked by a yellow dot and in person, the frames of the doors were painted the same shade of yellow. Inside, I was greeted by fifteen or so stalls housing the specie-neutral waste basins. I had never seen one in person before so I was forced to read the small instruction plaque on the wall before using it. It seemed to be a simple, low, wide porcelain toilet and upon further instruction, I discovered that it _was_ a simple, low, wide porcelain toilet. The instructions read:  
>Remove garments covering area of excretion, poise directly over (but not in) basin, expel waste, dispose of any disinfectant material in basin, step away from basin, press blue button, replace garments.<p>

This embarrassing walk-though was repeated underneath in several different languages and was followed by a button for oral recitation of the instructions so that everyone in the universe could learn how to properly use a squatting hole. Call it stupid, but didn't want anyone to see me coming out of the stall. I felt an underlying sense of pervertedness after thinking about how every species would do their business. I opened the door a crack and peeked out. No one.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I walked up to the counter and held my hands under the faucet-like device without reading the instructional-plaque only to discover that it dispensed a disinfectant gel rather than water. "Surprised?" A voice asked smugly.

I almost died of a heart attack and without thinking, I cried, "Get out!"

The stranger's face shifted from a playful smile to a look of confusion. "The bathroom does not belong exclusively to you." She corrected. The was a woman of thirty or fourty, human, with dark skin and hair and a uniform that I couldn't quite place.

"Isn't this the men's restroom?" Thinking back, I didn't remember checking for the usual symbol.

"_This is your first flight_." She said, knowingly.

"Yes."

She sighed and turned back to her own sink, holding out her hands for the same green gel. "They don't separate the bathrooms by specie or gender or class. It's all the same for everyone except the disabled."

I watched her rub the gel between her palms then up and around her fingers. I did the same to avoid looking completely naïve. "You work on the ship?" I asked, hoping to divert the conversation.

"_Capitan_." I could tell that it was hard for her to say it so modestly and _again_, without thinking, I said something stupid.

"I didn't think the ships needed captains." I cringed and she scowled in return.

"Fine, _community organizer_, or whatever you want to call it. I know the ship flies itself but that's all it does. Being captain is still a very hard job."

"Sorry." I mumbled without actually being sorry.

I waited for her to say "It's fine" or start the conversation back up but I was answered with nothing. As more time passed in awkward silence, the more I contemplated just walking out the door."No, _I'm_ sorry. I'm just stressed out, the first day is always hard. So much is going on."

"It's fine." Again, saying things without truly caring.

"Plans for the evening?"

"Oh, I'm meeting up with a friend at the bar in a little while."

"You'll like that. Have you ever met a Milounian before?"

I shook my head.

"We have a really good group this year. Y'know what? Ask for Ehinau, she's a nice girl, and tell her Beckie says you can have a free drink."

"Beckie?"

"That's me, I'm Beckie." She smiled and held out her hand which I took instinctually. "And when you see her, tell her thank you for the prayer charm." Before I could ask what a prayer charm was, she reached into her shirt and pulled her lanyard up through her collar. I noticed an odd, deep blue, human-like figurine strung by a keychain. "It's Doubai, their protector of travel."

"It's nice." I lied. She tucked the charm away again.

"I've got to be going now, see you round…"

"Lovino." I said, filling in the unknown.

"Lovino, okay, well, bye!"

We left the restroom and parted ways as awkward strangers. I didn't plan on using my free drink excuse because I wasn't especially fond of my new friend and didn't want to benefit from the situation. I went up to my room and changed into a different shirt before wandering around the courtyard again. I didn't know what to do. I'd admit a tiny twinge of excitement but I'd attributed it to the promise of intoxication.

Antonio was fun. He was nice to be around, despite the constant, low annoyance of his companionship much like a bug flying near my ear. Still, he had a good-natured personality and his appearance didn't hurt. But when he kissed me… I didn't know if I was uncomfortable or in the early stages of longing. Believe it or not, the two feeling are very similar. In the instant, it was longing but it soon became hesitance then insecurity and finally confusion. The boy was rambunctious, he was exciting and lively but he was also a whole different kind of person than I. It didn't seem right to be intermingling.

I sat down on a near bye bench and looked at my watch, seeing that I had a message waiting from my brother. I had contacted him earlier in the day, once the three ships were synchronized, but once I had heard that he was having lots of fun, I found other things to occupy my thoughts with.

"Hey, Lovi!" The watch recited in his voice, "My shift is over so I'm going to check out the ship and head to bed. Anyways, today's been a great day! Everyone at work has been really nice and I made some friends at the other restaurants too so…Night!"

The watch beeped, announcing the end of the message. I don't know why I wasted so much time and energy worrying about that bastard. _Of course_ he was having a great time, he always did. Everyone always loved him, he was the precious Feliciano. All my life, all through our schooling and even at home, he was the favorite. Our parents were dying to hear about his latest art project and then they would politely ask how my grades were so I let them all drop. I used to be an A student but that was an excuse for people to not care so I stopped doing my homework and flunked every test until someone had to turn a head.

In high school, Feliciano would get a nice girl and as soon as that happened, the next in line would grab me just to get closer and spy on his relationships. Inevitably, Feliciano and the girl would part ways just in time for my girl to jump in and become Feli's knew fad. I hated my brother sometimes. I hated how he had all the best things, he had all the luck and all the attention and all the love he could ever want. I spotted the curly-headed Spanish boy walking up to me, looking like a million bucks with his pleated clothes and that radiant but contained smile. _Not anymore, Feliciano._

"Hello, Lovino~" He greeted.

"Hey." I said, still feeling the red coals of envy and loneliness burning up inside of me. My brother always got to be happy, so why not me? I didn't deserve to be afraid of being taken advantage of or outshone all the time, I deserved to act on affection if I wanted to.

"Ready to go?"

"Yeah" I stood up and linked my arm with his. What did I have to be afraid of? With Feliciano being gone and no threat of him coming in to take Antonio away, I could make a move on the boy with confidence. I wrapped my hand around his arm, making it clear what I was doing.

He looked at our arms and then and me and at our arms again. "Are we going to go?" I prodded.

"Oh! Yeah, Let's go!" When he said that, he gave me a smile not of lust or power but of genuine happiness. He was happy because _I_ was being affectionate, he was happy because he was with _me_. I had never know a better feeling. I smiled back.

So, from that moment on, we fell into an unannounced relationship. We didn't ask each other or exchange presents, we just knew.

The jellyfish was a completely foreign experience. It was dark except for the illumination of water, blue lights. I wasn't sure if the Milounians were blue or only appeared so in the light but none-the-less, they were beautiful creatures. I watched as one (I could not tell the gender) dripped alcohol into its hand and rolled it around as if it were a gelatinous mass of air-light bubbles rather than a liquid. The Milounian danced with the orb up and down its arms like a ballerina. The creature itself was a beautiful art form, a fluid, gentle, body comprised of interstellar material.

Antonio ordered two drinks for us, seeing as I was distracted by the dancer. "Beautiful, isn't she?"

I knew that my humanly form would never move with such elegance and grace. "Yeah." Was all I could say.

"That's Tif, I'll introduce you." He said, struggling to be heard over the smooth, electric beat.

"No, it's fine, I'll just-"

"Don't worry, she's a total sweetheart."

But that wasn't it, I didn't want plain, human me to be compared beside the water-dancing alien. She was sitting on the bar, laughing with the customers and performing tricks before sliding the orb off her hand and into the cup where it became a liquid again. Beside her, I was a grumpy Italian kid who bashed his own dreams in the head and didn't sleep enough. I was a mess, she was a novelty. It wasn't hard to see where the situation was headed. I wanted to trust Antonio more than my own unrequited insecurities but that dismal state of mind had made a home inside of me and I couldn't shake it. "Can we just stay here?" I asked.

He looked at me, smiling, and opened his mouth to easily blow off my worries but once we made full eye contact, his expression dropped. "What's wrong? Do you want to go somewhere else?"

"I don't know."

"Lovi?"

"No, let's stay."

"Is it the music? It's pretty loud huh?"

"No."

"The lights?"

"No, look, just, whatever. It doesn't matter." The minute I said that, I cursed myself under my breath. I hated the way I fell back into submissive behavior, it was that habit that had made it possible for so many people to take advantage of me. I should have said I wanted to leave, dammit!

"It _does_ matter." He interjected before I could correct myself. "Common, we'll go somewhere else. Besides, I think the lights are giving me a headache so it's no fun for either of us." He grabbed my hand and led me out the crowds of people until we could stop in a well-lit clearing. Antonio had once again scrambled my brain into a state of confusion that I didn't know how to unknot. I knew what being respected was and it wasn't something anyone had ever reserved for _me_. "You okay?" He asked

"Why…"

"What?"

"Why'd we leave? I thought you liked that place."

"It's over rated." He said with a smile. "Where do _you_ want to go? I mean, this is your tour after all. I've seen this all before."

"I don't know. Do you have a map?"

We looked at his map together and decided that we'd checkout some of the new features in the astronomy museum. The walk through museum was cluttered with artifacts and relics I had seen before in grade school. In the "Worlds Outside Our Own" exhibit, they showcased religious icons, entertainment devices and pieces of traditional clothing from all other species. Finally, we arrived at a dome-shaped room called "The Ultimate Masterpiece".

The Ultimate Masterpiece was a planetarium, though, I was sure they were referring to the _universe_ rather than the planetarium itself (which was stunning). Inside the dome was an empty space filled with chairs that reclined to a one hundred-and-eighty-degree angle, facing up at the clear walls and ceiling. Antonio skidded off to read the plaque near the entry way while I stood entranced by the endless sea of molecules arranged into colors and patterns and contorted messes. The chaos only began to disassemble when little electronic worms of colored light ran across the glass to circle a star and print a name underneath. Once you read it, the worm would dash off and name a constellation or planet.

"Locate Neptune." Antonio ordered loudly. The worms listened and skipped off, gathering around a speck in the distance. Worms began printing off information in colorful text across the glass. Antonio, silently to not disturb the sleeping sky, tugged on my sleeve and we sat down in two of the recliners. "Can we see it closer?" Antonio asked.

Suddenly, we were looking real-time Neptune in the face as it expanded into a massive, blue marble before us. It's definition was perfect, as if we were preparing to land in its surface and go exploring. "Neptune is the farthest planet from the sun." A woman's voice like velvet began to read over the speaker. "Neptune is the fourth largest planet, having a radius nearly four times that of Earth. This planet is known as an ice giant because of its…" The voice continued to rattle on but I hardly cared. Antonio had shyly slipped his hand into mine and I had excepted it graciously. I took a deep breath, let the cool air relax my muscles and looked on at the clashing of red, orange, and purple as if the sky were on fire.

What had been a desired birthed from a need to prove self-worth dissipated. My painful lust dissipated. My confusion, my insecurity, my jealousy, all of it melted off me until it was just Antonio and myself and we were just people. I didn't want to take him to my bed, I wanted to be within his proximity, to feel his gravity dragging me in. I didn't want to claim him to prove that I was courageous, I wanted to be accepted my him for everything I was. I didn't want to take or win or conquer, I wanted to _give_. I was beginning to understand the sensation of unselfish love.

I felt warmth on my cheek and opened my eyes, not realizing that I had closed them. Antonio was closer now, smiling softly. "I thought you might be asleep." He said. "Sorry, I know you're not supposed to kiss a sleeping person."

"What about an awake person?" I asked, hearing a kindness I didn't know I had in my own voice.

His smile intensified. "You're supposed to ask."

"How would you do something like that?"

"Well, if it were me, I'd probably say something like…" His broad smile softened and he looked deeply into my eyes, "I've never known that anything in this universe could be significant when compared to anything else. I thought that everything was the same amount of nothing, there was nothing abnormally special. I thought that people were all the same when you peeled away enough layers, that I had learned all their tricks and that nothing would ever excite me but now, in the wake of life, I have learned differently. I know that you are here, that you are my one cure from indifference. I would like to know if you would allow me a kiss."

"I would." I mumbled, unsure of my ability to speak.

His hand cupped my cheek and he whispered, "Close your eyes." So I did, _slowly_, and soon felt lips brushing against mine sensually. At first, it was hesitant. Neither party would refrain from pulling away after a second or two but as comfort settled around us, the kisses became longer and more passionate. We had run hands through hair and across backs and _for once_, I wasn't afraid that I was making the wrong decision.

Being the more sensible of the two, I pulled away first. We lay there without saying a word, just watched the sky perform its obscure light show. I don't remember when we decided to retire for the night but it was late and I felt like shit when I had to unlock the freezer at five in the morning. Julia made me organize the pantry because she claimed my zombie face would scare away the costumers. When asked why I looked do tired, I replied with, "I have a hard time sleeping in unfamiliar beds."

The freezer duty wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I wore the key on a lanyard around my neck and three or four times a day, I would have to walk back to the storage room and retrieve whatever product the request form was filled out for. Then I would put the forms in a folder and bam, just like that, free food. Five days passed like a light minute, come and gone compared to the never-ending days of anxiety that lay await.

Antonio and I grew closer. We discussed more person things and we went places together after work. Time passed carelessly, like sand through an hourglass. In the morning of that day, there was a strong jolt on the ship that knocked a couple boxes off the pantry shelves but we were told it was just an unexpected turbulence. Then it happened. I was at work, preparing a tray of salad when Julia called us all to the pantry, saying that there would be an announcement from the captain. Judging by the way she walked and the little, strained words that come out of her mouth, I assumed she already knew.

The voice that crackled over the intercom was laced thick with weariness. "Attention, passengers, this is your captain speaking. Please cease your current activities for the duration of this announcement. I regret to inform you that The Nova Sagittarius is now declaring a state of HOVA."

A few gasped and others bit their lips. HOVA was the word that, in the native language of the ship builders, meant distress. It was like sending an SOS gram to Earth. "The Nova Sagittarius's crew please ask that you remain calm and comply will any requests made upon you. Passengers are asked to return to their individual rooms and wait to be addressed directly by a crew member. Staff, please report to the courtyard immediately and remain with your company. A briefing will be held at 1:20 sharp. That is all, Thank you."

The tension embedded in our silence was palpable. Julia was the first to move, grabbing the fragile Nora under one arm. "Okay, people, I'm going to give it to you straight." She summoned her most courageous face. "_The ship's course has been reset_. We don't know _where_ it's going or _how long_ it's going to take to get there. We don't know how it got reset, they think it may be a hacker but they're not sure of anything yet. I expect you all… you all…" She chocked back a sob and took a deep breath, pain beaten across her face, "I expect you all to compose yourself like the strong people I know you are."

Then they all looked at me. It took me a minute to understand why but when I did, the lanyard around my neck felt fifty pounds heavier. I had the key to the food supply, _just me_… five days slipped by like sand in an hourglass… then someone threw a rock at that hourglass and shattered the whole façade. Now, like the sand, we lay stranded and vulnerable in a vast nowhere.


	2. The Gallery of the Lost

HOVA

_The Gallery of the Lost_

I threw down the lanyard and key the minute I realized that it was the cause for attention. It hit the ground with a resounding chime yet nobody gave it their attention, nobody even glanced… all eyes were on me.

"Take it, _somebody_!" I ordered, my voice a shrill cry of panic. Some people glanced down in pity for me and others made crosses over their chests for themselves. "TAKE IT!" I barked, gripping my hands instinctually and feeling trapped in a nightmare, "_Please, I don't want it_!" My chest pumped hard, trying to produce enough oxygen for my dizzy head. Nobody looked, nobody would meet my eyes or even pretend to.

"_Lovino_." Julia finally said in a scolding tone. "You accepted the responsibility and you are the only one who can hold it-"

"I NEVER AGREED TO THIS! Not now! _This is different_!" I squealed. Cold sweat beaded against the back of my neck. My muscles ached with fear.

She picked up the key and held it out to me, trying to control her own outburst. "Some one's got to do it." Half of us wanted to cry out and sob in disbelief and half of us wanted to smash our bare fists through something that bare fists cannot smash though. I could tell from the way she flared her nostrils and bit the inside of her cheek that she was experiencing the latter. Still, against my own advice, I continued to snarl and bark at the agitated woman.

"I won't! I can't bear that, Dammit!"

"Lovino!"

"Don't make me, please! I can't! Really! I can't!"

"This is hard on _all_ of us!"

"_You_ take it! _You're_ the leader! You always want to be in charge, don't you!? Well, HERE, TAKE IT!" I shoved her outstretched hand back against her chest.

"Stop this, Lovino! No one's going to take the key! This is _your _job!" With her face red, she thrust the key out to me and gave me a look that dared me to defy her.

"_I can't_!" I screamed and knocked the key out of her hand, the hand that immediately rose to strike my cheek. Hot pain stung across my face, I cupped the cheek and sent a threatening glare at the woman who returned it viciously.

"The world does not revolve around you, Lovino! We're all stuck here! We're _all_ dying! I'm sorry if this predicament is not to your liking but you better learn to pull up your panties and sacrifice _yourself_ for a change!" She took a few rough breaths to calm down then turned to the rest of the staff, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we've got some work to do. We're going to cover the food, turn off the grills and gather up in the courtyard."

She turned to me, stern and confident, "Meet us out there when you're ready."

They all left and closed the pantry door, allowing me the privacy to pitifully fall to my knees and train my eyes on the silver trinket latched around a pink lanyard. I wanted to throw it out into the dark, endless pit where I would never have to see it again.

The scrap of metal was not simply a scrap of metal, it wasn't even just a freezer key. It was the key that owned the lives of one thousand-four hundred and twelve people. That key accessed the main storage of the ship's food supply, which meant that it also accessed the food that would have to feed a thousand panicked, stranded, hungry people. That was the only food we had to last us for…_ god knows how long_. I owned the most important item on the whole ship apart from air. _Everyone_ wanted that food and I was burdened with securing it. Eventually, I did manage to string up my weak legs like a puppet and carry myself out to meet up with the others, feeling lifeless but compliant.

The courtyard was crowded by worried-looking hordes of people dressed in every color of cheezy uniform. Each business crowded all of its employees into a cafeteria-style table then the managers would take a headcount. It was surreal, almost. Everyone was so quite, even little Nora was silent as a lamb. I couldn't find Antonio, I tried to peek around the masses but had no luck.

"I wish I could say we know what's happened but that's not the case." Beckie, the captain, said from a podium at the front of the courtyard. "I'm sure that, in some way or another, all of you have heard that the ship's course was changed. We are no longer on the same path as Nova Taurus and Vertigo. Now, could we still be going to the same destination? Possibly. Will we wake up tomorrow to find that the course has been changed again? Possibly. The truth of the matter is that, at this moment in time, The Nova Sagittarius is on a track that we cannot identify. We do not know where our final destination will be or how long we will be in suspended flight. We ask that you hold your questions till the end." But nobody had raised their hand, nobody had said anything at all.

"I know that some of you have been given special responsibilities at your work place that have now become instrumental in the survival of this ship." My heart beat a million times a minute and the key grew increasingly heavier around my neck. "You will be addressed individually. Do not make it known to anyone other than those of your company that you are the carrier of this task." She then proceed to talk about changes being made to our usual business ethics. Not much else registered. Every once in a while, a couple people would mumble something to each other and others would wipe their brows and scratch nervously at their arms. "You may all return to your rooms for the next several hours but you are expected to report back to your business when called. Thank you, that is all."

As the masses began to disassemble and form clearings, I finally caught a glimpse of Antonio, who was standing on his chair and searching for me. I thought him to be a pillar… a force that could not be swayed. I thought he would stand tall and smile in the face of danger and say, "Then we must treasure today, yes?" but that wasn't the case at all. No. Not at all.

His expression was one of fear and uncertainty and hopelessness. His fragile eyes clung to me and begged me for the answers I didn't have. I didn't move. I didn't know what to do but to stare back and wait for him to crack a smile that never came. I mouthed the words MY ROOM very clearly and pointed towards the left wing. His eyes briefly followed my directions then he nodded and turned to shakily gather his things.

The next time we saw each other was when he stumbled through my door and collapsed almost instantaneously against me. He bound me tightly in his arms and filled the ship's silence with thick sobs. I'll never know why he turned to me of all people, after all, I was only a stranger, but he held me as if I were the only thread back to safety.

He clenched a fist of my autumn-colored hair in his fit of hysteria without meaning to. My nerve endings screamed as he pulled hard on them. I didn't call out in pain or pry the tremoring fist away, I let him hold my hair because the boy had only pain in his wake and I could do nothing but offer to absorb what I could of the blow. He exhaled a symphony of emotion. He whined confusion followed by tears of fear and chokes of shock and groans of pity.

Eventually, the tears ran dry and he was forced to let go of me and reassemble his mess. He pulled his hand away from my head, noticing small knots of brown hair stuck between his fingers. "_Sorry_." He whispered, apologetically laying a few hairs back atop my head.

"I don't care about that. Toni…tell me how you ache."

"I…I" He coughed shallowly into his hand, the wet tears in his eyes still causing a bubbly wavering in his tone. "I don't know. _I don't think this is real_… everything was great yesterday…they must have read the monitor wrong. Nothing like this ever happens! What are we supposed to do?" I pulled my sleeve over my palm and caught the next few marbles to come slipping down his cheeks.

I couldn't answer him because there were no answers to give. No explanations. No rhyme or reason other than by the whim of a greater force.

"Lovino?" the small voice squeaked.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we're going to die?"

"I don't know." I replied, not wanting to voice my definite _yes_.

"Lovi…I'm afraid."

"Me too." I admitted under my breath.

He grabbed me but this time gently and tenderly. "I'll keep you safe, okay? I promise I will." He freed a hand to stroke my head. "I can get myself together… I'll do a good job. I'll care for you so much."

"I'm fine." I denied.

A kiss landed on my forehead. "I need just one thing to focus on, okay? Please let that one thing be you. I need it… let me be strong for you."

"I don't care how strong you are, dumb ass. You don't have to toughen up, it would be stupid to be smiling at a time like this."

"But I need to smile. You see, I forget rather quickly so I always keep one on. If I worry too much, I stop smiling and when I stop smiling, I begin to rot."

"I hope you won't be offended if I pass the opportunity."

"That's fine." He tightened his grip slightly. "I don't think I could manage one right now either."

Nothing more was said. Death is a feeling as well as a noun and there are only two ways to feel death. One, it will avoid your thoughts and you will never bother to think of it. Two, it can take hold of your serenity like a rapture. It sweeps over you unexpectedly and throws you into tremors of pain and confusion. It's rumored that there is a third option, an inner peace, per say, that allows the victim to conquer it without foolish pride. It's said that people who are dying can sometimes feel death like this. They can speak its name comfortably and the two respect each other. I do not believe that. Antonio's moans of anguish had proved that theory wrong. _He_ was dying yet he didn't lean against the wall and smile softly. No. He grabbed me for dear life and I heard his voice as he asked to return home to his mom and his childhood beach.

We decided to both take a shower in hopes of finding some relaxation or at least temporarily washing away our bloodshot eyes and trembling lips. We granted glances at each other's nude forms to settle curiosities. He was a nice looking person and had I not been so exhausted, I'd have shown more interest in it. We washed, dried, dressed and tried not to think about the ship.

Minutes later, there was a knock at my door. The man I invited in wore a blue NOVA CORP. uniform and carried under his arm a small stack of papers. "Where's the key?" He demanded, looking at my neck.

"What key?" I blurted instinctively.

"Your name is Lovino Vargas," he informed me as Antonio watched in worry, "You are in possession of the key to the central freezer unit. Is it currently in your possession?" He seemed more than a little peeved.

"Who are you?" Antonio added before I could answer. He stepped forward, straightening his spine and inflating his chest to seem intimidating.

"Identify yourself." The stranger countered.

"I'm Antonio Fernandez Carriedo."

" , how do you know ?"

"I'm his boyfriend." He answered without hesitation. I cringed at that last word but bushed and nodded all the same.

The stranger looked surprised. He grabbed his clipboard out from under his arm and read through the page before sending me a menacing scowl. "You reported to our administrations that you had no relations onboard the ship aside from your coworkers! We do not like being lied to, ! NOVA flights are serious business and we wish to have them treated as such!"

"_We met onboard the ship_." The Spaniard growled, taking another step forward yet the stranger did not back down. "Would you mind telling me who you are and what qualification you have that allows you access to passengers' files?"

"I am co-captain Jonah Reed, I came regarding the central freezer key. Now, do you have it or not?"

I was about to turn and retrieve the lanyard off my nightstand when Antonio intervened again. "We want to see identification."

Mr. Reed was just about to blow his cap and I wouldn't have blamed him; it must have been a long day for him. He grudgingly fished a laminated card out of his wallet and held it facing us. Out of obligation, I read the first few words:

JONAH REED- SECONDARY COMMAND ABOARD REGISTERED NOVA CORP. VESSELS.

"It's on my nightstand." I said, not letting Antonio play the dutiful body guard role anymore.

"Please keep it with you at all times. It shouldn't be left around, much less out of your sight. You never know how well you can trust your friends." As he said that, he made a point of scowling at the curly-headed boy.

"What are you trying to say?!" He demanded. "Do I look like a crook to you!?"

"I'm saying that Mr. Vargas has been entrusted with a very important element of our survival and your sudden involvement is less than coincidental!"

"Are you trying to say that I'm conning him?! That I chose him because of a scrap of metal!?"

"That is how the rumor tells it! Now, I've been sent here to make certain that the key is safe and that ulterior motives are not at hand. Show me the key, please!" He demanded, thrusting out an open palm at me. I ran back to my room to get it, all the while Antonio calling after me, saying that I didn't have to do anything.

"Take it." I demanded, throwing into his waiting hand. "I don't want it, it's yours."

"Unfortunately, I can't do that." he turned it over a few times, exanimating it, then held it back out to me. "It's considered bias now and bias is the root of corruption. The key must stay with its original handler to avoid argument."

"But I don't _want_ it!"

"You accepted it, didn't you? And you were paid with the triple meal credit, were you not?"

"Triple meal credit?" Antonio butted in, quirking his head at me.

"That was the exchange! I have here…" he flipped through his clipboard, "I have the transaction recorder here. You received the key and in exchange, extra meal credit was transferred into… _it was split_? It says it went into two accounts…" He and Antonio put the pieces together at the same time.

I flushed and crossed my arms stubbornly. "So what!? I split the credit between Antonio and I, no big deal!"

"Lovi?" Antonio's rage softened into a little smile.

"Regardless! That was the deal, the transaction was agreed to by both parties, end of story!" Mr. Reed cried in frustration. He took a paper from his stack and handed it to Antonio. "You, Mr. Fernandez Carriedo, will sign this."

"Yeah? What if I don't?" The boy snarled. He didn't like being told what to do.

"It's a contract promising your secrecy regarding Mr. Vargas and the key. If you don't sign it, we will assume that you are a con man, charge you with conspiracy, and your relationship with Mr. Vargas will be compromised as we see fit."

Antonio signed it speedily and handed back. "Is that all you needed?"

"I need to talk to Mr. Vargas alone."

And so we did. He told me not to tell anyone else about the key and to wear it around my neck, under my shirt. He said that if I should be approached and threatened about the key, that they would reassign me to work in a safer area. He told me that in the mornings, I would unlock the freezer and retrieve only what I was told to by a list delivered to me every morning. I was never to open it without instruction from either him or Becki.

When Mr. Reed finally left, Antonio and I had a parting kiss before reported to our works were each of our employees would be waiting.

Julia was looking apologetically at me while everyone else simply looked away. "Hey kid." She called.

"Where's Nora?" I asked, noticing the absence of the dark-haired mouse of a girl.

"The med center. The news finally made its way to her brain I guess and she had a panic attack."

"Do you want me to check on her?"

"No, I was just up there, she's sleeping." Julia's normally tight bun of flaxen hair was now a loose lump of hair clinging to her scalp. Her young, energetic eyes had been darkened by stressful shadows and her peachy lips had dried to a powdery blush.

"I can take over or something if you need to hit the sack for an hour or two." I offered. At first, she was shocked by my unusual generosity. Then she smiled and answered with, "I'm fine. Today has taken a toll on everyone. You should see how many anxiety cases they have in the medical center today. It'll get better but it'll also get worse."

Then it dawned on me how little I was thinking about the events of today. I felt so little anxiety compared to the others, it was a miracle. No it wasn't_, it was Antonio_. I was too busy with him to be drowning in self-pity as per usual.

"I think everyone's here now." Julia declared. "The sooner we get our work done, the more time I can give you off today. Today, meals are being brought to the passengers in their rooms. I sent out menu's an hour ago; we have two basic options: Hamburger or vegan burger. We've had changed made to some to accommodate food allergies. We were assigned thirty rooms, all the prep materials are in our personal freezer. Let's get going." She clapped a few times, telling everybody to assume position. Chefs gathered around grills, plate makers unloaded the washer, and a few of us changed into serving uniforms. Mealtime was fairly painless event. The only hard part was knocking on a door and presenting a tray of food to yet another lost face. People seemed less sad and more confused, they all stared at me and awkwardly received the tray as if in a lucid dream.

I was allowed to return to my room after we'd served our assigned passengers, gathered the dishes, and tidied the shop. It was suddenly so much emptier without Antonio. Without him to comfort and sooth, there was enough room for my repressed feelings of anxiety of come forth and make themselves comfortable around me so, naturally, I tried to fend them off with sleep. I stripped myself of my clothes and hid beneath the sheets. There was silence. The other five days, I had fallen asleep to the sound of couples chatting in the courtyard and the faint drumming of club music from The Jellyfish. Today, the club was closed and the couples were laying silently in their beds, just as I was. We were all wondering what had gone wrong and if, when we woke up tomorrow, it would have all been a dream. None of it seemed possible. After all, nobody really gets _lost_ in space, do they? That's so unrealistic! That's just the hopeless plot that directors conjure up for mid-summer tragedy films! Nothing that frightening would ever happen to real people!

My eyes began to burn and my nose crinkled, tears were on the brim of spilling. I didn't want to be here…I wanted to call my brother! I grabbed my watch off my nightstand and ordered it to contact him but, just as it was this morning, there was no connection. We had broken synchronization when we changed routes. I threw the watch back down, jumped out of bed decisively, slipped into my robe and sprinted down the hall to Antonio's room.

He opened it when I knocked but didn't seem surprised to see me. "Hey, Lo-"

"Do you wanna have sex or something?" I interrupted.

"What!?"

"I need to do something! I hate thinking!"

He looked me over, blushed, and invited me in. Despite this, we didn't have sex. We had four cups of tea, we had a conversation about television shows and we had a few minutes of gentle kissing but we didn't have any sex. His bed was softer and warmer than mine, it was easier to fall asleep in. He had brought his own sheets from home and they were drenched in his smell, the smell of coffee grounds and loose dirt. I hid myself in his chest and instantly lost the battle with unconsciousness.

Antonio had set his watch's alarm for me so at five o'clock, I dragged myself out from under his arm and went to get the grocery list for work. Mr. Jonah Reed was waiting for me outside of my room. "Where have you been!?" He demanded and handed the envelope he was holding to me.

"I just assumed you'd slide it under the door." I admitted, too tired to be grumpy.

"Normally, yes but I thought I would meet you today and show you how we want it done."

I yawed. "Do I need to change?" I asked.

"Your clothing is irrelevant. Come on, we have to be speedy about this."

So I followed him, mimicking his annoying voice in my head the whole way. I stared at his hair, which I wished wasn't so perfect but it was. It was clean, almond-colored, and combed back in a princely fashion. I'd have thought he were a prince had he not been such an asshole. Long story short, we unlocked the fridge, took out what was called for, locked the fridge and that was all. There were no explosions, nothing happened at all. I was rather irritated that he followed me around and walked me through it like a baby and that irritation lasted me throughout the day.

Julia put me to work at the register. There was a new rule: We didn't serve more than recommended portion sizes and we didn't let anyone comeback for seconds. This lead to six hours or arguments with frustrated customers, sometimes ending in tears of frustration on either side. Everyone was on edge and controlling food portions doubled that anxiety. People began to wonder what would happen when there wasn't enough substance to go around which led to them stuffing bits of their sandwiches into their jackets. By the next day, NOVA staff were performing room raids and clearing closets of stashed food. They even came on over the intercom, saying, "Please, passengers, do not hoard and hide food. This habit leads to the growth of mold and illness which, in such a contained area as this vessel, could bring serious consequences including endangering the lives of hundreds. Consume the entirety of your meals, they provide all needed nutrients. Thank you."

"What are we going to do?" Julia sighed and leaned up against the shelves of the pantry. I glanced around, wondering who she was addressing yet we were the only two in the room. One-thirty was approaching so we were both in the pantry, restocking after the big lunch rush. She had been talking to me much more since the day the course changed. "Things aren't going to get prettier, y'know. People are going to get more anxious, we'll start running out of food… it won't just be a game of measuring portions anymore, _it'll be a war_."

"You think?" I asked, my voice small. What if there _were_ a war? Would I be stuck in the center? If war were the case, I'd probably be the first to go. They would see me as the tyrant king and by nature, peasants rebel against tyrant kings.

"_I don't know what I think…"_ I had never seen the woman so distraught. She had always been a statue, a marble giant wielding a sword and shield as if they were more natural at the ends of her arms than her own hands. "Nora's doing better at least. I can enjoy that while it lasts."

"You really worry about her, don't you?"

She nodded solemnly. "I have three sisters back on Earth. All my life, I was the one who brought home presents after long days at work and fought the kids who dared to pick on them. I was the monster-chaser and…when I'm gone… I wonder if they'll be able to fight monsters on their own…" For the first time ever, the statuess let loose thick marble tears that shook the Earth as they fell.

Up until then, she had been so strong. She was the one who held our hands if we were afraid and let us sit in the pantry if we needed some recovery time. She was our patriarch, our grand-supreme, the one who would kick defeat in the face.

I couldn't bare the camel breaking it's back over just one straw. "Don't!" I cried! I selfishly forbade her to weep, denying her humanity. If even _she_ lost hope, then there truly _wasn't_ any hope! Statues only cry for the most terrible of fates, I couldn't let her! I dropped the box I was holding and quickly dried her face with my apron. "You can't! If _they_ see you like this, there's not a chance they'll have the courage to keep going!" That was a lie, it was my own weakness I was concerned about. Julia was the strongest person on the whole damn ship! If she gave up…

"Dammit, Lovino! Leave me alone!" She swatted me away. "I'll cry if I want to!"

"But-!"

"_It's scary_." She whined. "And I'm not the Joan of Arc you think I am! I can't do this! Even _I_ have things I'm afraid of, _dying included_."

"Julia…" I said as if the name were forgein to me. She was nothing like herself anymore.

"I need some time, okay? Just… just go and tell everyone I'll be out in a minute. I'm going to finish organizing the shelf." Her grey eyes looked pleadingly at me then focused themselves at her hands as she began to move things around.

"Okay…" I mumbled and left.

Seeing Julia like that set me up for a day of feeling miserably hopeless. I wiped the counters, cleaned the grills, swept the floors and spent my lunch break in the smelly seaweed plant with smelly Antonio.

"So when are you going to tell me what's got you down?" He handed me another piece of the sandwich, the one that had been provided to him by his work.

I popped it into my mouth. "Is our appending doom not a good enough reason?" The sandwich tasted like shit. When I asked him what kind of sandwich it was, he said it was the kind that you eat, meaning the ingredients were probably just a mash of essential nutrients and that you shouldn't think too hard about it.

"No. The Lovino I know is a jar of tough cookies." He nudged me. "Come on, Lovi, what's eating you?"

"Maybe I'm just a little bit nervous, okay? We still don't have synchronization with the other ships…"

"So it's about your brother, then."

"Kind of."

"Tell me." He ordered and offered me another piece of slop-wich but I refused it, afraid of losing my stomach. He shrugged and fed it to his own mouth.

"I haven't spoken to him since we broke sync. They probably don't even know we're gone, they probably assume that someone spilled coffee on our transmit system. After all, nobody ever saw this coming."

"Maybe someone did." He mentioned.

"Who!?"

"The hacker theory is still up for grabs. I think it's possible, maybe it's an act of terrorism."

"What kind of publicity would they gain!?"

"Trying to think like a maniac is a dangerous thing. Who knows what they think? Who wants to know?"

"Maybe it's just a malfunction?"

"Maybe. Maybe, maybe, maybe."

"Toni?"

"Yeah?"

"Y'know what's bugging me? I don't know why but… when I think of my brother drinking and laughing and carelessly wandering his ship, it makes me…. I don't know… pissed? Sad? Frustrated? I should be relieved. It's one less thing for me to worry about, right?"

"I see what it is. You're pissed and sad and frustrated because you want to be missed."

"No I don't! Why would I care whether I'm missed or not!?"

"It's not an unreasonable thing, Lovino! Everybody wants somebody to mourn at their misfortunes, everybody wants to feel important."

"The difference is that some people actually are important. If my brother went missing for even a minute, the town's people would rally their search parties."

"You're just as important as your brother."

"Thank, Mom."

He laughed, making my scowl deepen. "Someday you'll understand."

"Understand what?"

"That you're someone's everything."

"You don't get it!" I groaned, "It's so hard to be important when you have Mr. Important as your competition. You can't cast a shadow on the sun!"

His hand was wrapped around mine. "You don't actually feel that way, do you?" He whined.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Do you really think nobody loves you as much as your brother?"

"It's not just a feeling. It's a fact. I've seen all the focus groups you can imagine. I have stats and charts and graphs. It's a certified fact."

"How odd…"

"What is?"

"I've never been told that I do not exist."

"What are you trying to say?

"Like you said, the sun cannot be challenged. The sun is the most necessary, beautiful, yet tragic member of our solar system."

I felt a twinge in my chest. "It's true."

"But what is the sun but a star? There are countless!" He gestured to the near-bye window, out of which I could see a knotted cluster of shining specks that covered the sky. "Who's to keep me from saying, that's a sun! That's a sun! That one over there and that one next to it too! In fact every person could do the same thing. All stars are balls of burning gas; the bane of life but also the creator of it. Maybe I look across the vastness and I say there, that is the star that I love most in the world. It is a star like all the others but I love it best." He looked out the window, smiling softly, his words romantic and his eyes filled by grand illusions. "Do you see it? It is the one that quakes with fear of its own death. Don't be misled! It is afraid because it wishes not to destroy the life it created. That is the star I love best, that is my sun." His sparkling eyes shifted from the window to my stunned face, his smile stayed kind and honest. "So, you see, a star mustn't envy the other stars. It must not wish to become another's sun. It may not believe it but someone has already chosen it to be their sun."

"Antonio…" I mumbled, caught between disbelief and persuasion. His intelligence was as outstanding as his oblivion.

"My break is almost over." He mentioned, not breaking the contact between his Earthy-green eyes and my Autumn-tinted ones.

"Okay." I answered stupidly. I had nothing I could say to him. He must have thought I was an idiot, just staring at him blankly and all. He kissed my forehead kindly before wrapping his sandwich and standing up off the bench.

"Sorry, sometimes I say too much. Don't worry yourself over it. I'll see you for dinner then, right? Café Donde? Bye, Lovi, Gotta go."

"Bye!" I cried, waking up from my trans just in time to watch his skip off.

So it was true, I had fallen in love. It happens so quickly and effortlessly, it comes without you even noticing it. That's why I feared it. Love arrives so jovially. It promises happiness and importance and security. It waits until you get comfortable, just until you have a lot to lose and then it destroys. It ravages like a tornado, tearing your happiness and importance and security to shreds.

Love was not something I could manage. I was born with my destiny decided; to always be a shadow, to feed off hatred and revenge. I couldn't be loved, that's why I was alone. Somehow… I couldn't manage to remind myself of that though. That's what love does, it blocks all your receptors like a drug. It keeps you from remembering how bad you had it last time. It makes you submit, you can't fight it. You were either all in love or none.

When I got off work, I actually went back to my room and changed out of my uniform before meeting Antonio for dinner. It was suddenly important that he thought I was handsome. It was like every meeting was an interview, I imagined that he was scoping me out for flaws and, if I was good enough, he would accept me. It was a stupidly pathetic notion but an undeniable one at that.

I walked up to the café table, preparing to make a handsome entrance when I was interrupted. "Lovi! You gotta see something! They showed us this place at work and-" He noticed me, "You look very handsome like that~" That bastard knew that was exactly what I wanted him to say and, what's worse, he actually _meant_ it.

"What place?" I asked to divert attention from my rising blush.

"Oh! Well, I can't say anything about it right now. You'll have to follow me." He took my hand and led me to the seaweed plant but we didn't stop there. We went into the back where the filters and pumps were. He dragged me down a corridor then another and another until I was presented with three metal giants. Three mammoth tanks labeled Q, D, and N. I was unimpressed.

"_Tada_!" My companion cried. "Okay, I know what you're thinking but I promise, this is good news! These are the ship's producers. N is for Nutrients, it makes food out of waste. Then D is distil, it cleans water so that it's drinkable. Lastly, Q is energy, it powers the other two machines. It's our own survive-the-apocalypse kit!"

"So you're saying that these contraptions could keep us alive in here? Like… until someone can come and save us?"

"Well, that's the downside. They can only handle a population of two hundred so…"

"_Two hundred!? _That's twelve hundred unaccounted for passengers!"

"I know, I know! That's why nobody knows about it right now. Only NOVA staff and now us in the seaweed plant. They wanted to see if we could rig up the two systems. _But don't you see what this means!?_ We could _live,_ Lovino! We could go back to Earth! You and me, we could _make it!_"

"What about the twelve hundred others!?"

"I don't know about them." He admitted. "Maybe it won't even come to this, maybe we'll all go back and it'll be as if this trip never happened. _But look_, maybe it won't be like that. I'm going to do whatever I can to get you back, okay?"

"Antonio…"

"Yeah?"

"Antonio_, I'm not so sure this is a good thing_."

His smile faded and he looked at me with utter betrayal. "_What?_"

"I said… well, a replenishing food source in a time of famine? That's just _asking_ for trouble."

"But it could keep us _alive_, Lovino!"

"Twelve hundred other people would have the same idea! This is an object of war!"

"Maybe it is! _So what!?_ It's our ticket out! Don't you _want_ out!? To have a life with me back on Earth where we belong!?"

"Of course, you idiot! Why would I _choose_ to die on this god-forsaken-hunk-a-shit!? But, _Toni,_ even if we were going scrap our ways to the front, it would be twelve hundred versus two, _consider the odds_!"

"I'll get a gun! I'd carve a toothbrush into a knife!"

"Stop that!"

"Why!? You think I wouldn't!? Are you _afraid_!? Afraid of how far I would go to _save_ you!?"

"There are little old women and small children! There are infants still suckling on their mother's breasts! I know you better than that, Antonio! You wouldn't hurt them!"

"_Yes I would, dammit_!" He screamed with tears in his eyes. "I would because I _love_ you! But apparently, I'm the only one! I'm the only one who cares about us!"

"You're not the person I know!" I screamed back. "This isn't you!"

"_Fuck you, Lovino_! Fuck you!" The tears spilled over. How had everything gotten so lost? "You're ruining everything! Why can't you be happy!? Why can't you let me save you, you _bastard_! _Get out of here_!" He dropped to his knees and began sobbing forcefully, coughing and choking and releasing shaky breaths. I tried to approach him. "GET OUT OF HERE! LEAVE, DAMMIT!"

I turned and ran back the way we came. I was afraid. I was afraid of the person I _loved_. I was such a coward! He needed me! He was just scared and the panic was getting to him, I should have been there to help him! I was such a coward! I should have held him until he could think straight, I should have been there for him.

I found myself crying as I sprinted into the Big Dish International pantry room and shut the door. I needed some time alone. I needed time to remember the Antonio I knew. I needed to remind myself that he was just stressed and that he would be okay once he could breathe. Being stranded screws with your brain. He was just frightened, he was confused, he was-

Stop. My throat. Knife. Knife against my throat. Shit. Shit, _holy shit_! What was going on!? "_Don't make a sound_." A harsh voice demanded. "Not a word or this goes through your throat!" He was behind me. It suddenly occurred to me that my arms were being held against my back. They hurt. They were being held to hard. _He_ was holding them there. Out of instinct, I squirmed and opened my mouth to cry out but as soon as I did it, the thin blade pressed harder against my neck. Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit!

"You're Lovino Vargas." He said in an informatory tone. "You're the kid with the freezer k- Don't look at me!" He barked and jerked me as I tried to turn my head back. It was all too sudden! I was hardly sure of what was even happening. "Look at that wall and don't look back." I did what he said. "You're Lovino Vargas, aren't you!?"

Silence.

"Answer!" He jerked me hard and I spat out a small yes. "And you have the key?" I nodded. "Good. This is how this is going to happen. You're going to hand it over to me in just a second. When somebody asks you where it went, you're going to say you gave it to a friend. Look here." He jammed a crumpled picture in front of my face. As I deciphered it, it became blaringly obvious that it was a security camera shot of Antonio waiting for me to get off work at a courtyard table. "You know this guy? You're going to say you gave it to him. Say he wouldn't stop stalking you until you gave it to him."

"But he's not a sta-"

The blade became dangerously real. "Yeah, well, I've got enough camera footage to say otherwise! You're going to say you gave it to him, you don't know what he did with it. You're _never_ going to say anything about me, got it? You say anything, it's the end of the line for you _and_ your friend."

Silence.

"Got it!?" He demanded. I nodded and fought to conceal a whimper. I needed Antonio, I needed him _now_!

"Real easy." The stranger's hand jammed itself into my shirt collar and moved against my skin in a sickening way. I felt fingers close around the little metal key, the one _I_ was supposed to protect. I felt dizzy, I felt like screaming for help, begging for Antonio to save me with that sharpened toothbrush. I should have protected it! I didn't want to be helpless! "_Please"_ I thought, shutting my eyes tight, "_Please, forgive me for what I'm about to do!"_ I pried my dry lips open.

"_**ANTO**__-_"


	3. Into the Open

HOVA

Into the open…

At some point between the knife being placed against my throat and my decision to risk life by screaming, I stopped being afraid. The concept of fear, for a minute, became a stranger to me. Where concern had been, there was ignorance. Hopelessness had been replaced with gnawing impatience and this "fear" I once knew was now, what could only be described as, a frustration derived from the frustration of others. You could call it madness or bravery, it was neither. It was not mighty obligation nor treacherous misery that led me to defy my captor, it was plain annoyance.

I was sick of people losing their heads, of their inability to straighten up and be useful! First, I had to deal with being lost in space on a heap of metal, then there's Antonio and Julia, who looked to _me_ for strength when I was supposed to look to _them_! Now this! Was there no pity for _me_!? Did nobody give a damn that _I_ was afraid too!? Selfish! All of them, the whole ship! _I was god-damn sick of it!_ I had had enough and I didn't care if he was going to slice open my neck, I had to have _some_ act of defiance to channel my frustration into.

"**ANTO-"**

Now, I didn't mean to call for Antonio. Though, it certainly would have been nice to have him there but something inside of me knew he wouldn't come. I needed something to shout and he was the last thought my mind came across. In one exhale, I said farewell to the soft flesh of my neck. I let out one soft breath and prepared to see nothing else for a long time.

But he didn't cut.

No, the knife's graceful blade never made that last movement to extract my precious ruby blood. In fact, as I was slowly recollecting my actions, I realizing that I had acted _first_. My noise had startled him and, without consulting me first, my mind ordered to fist to jerk back. And on top of that, I didn't simply tap him, I hit him _hard _in his abdomen-groin area_. It was so fast._ He recoiled and the blade fell to the floor like a poisoned butterfly, void of all threat.

I hit him again, reacting to the adrenalin vexing through my veins. This time, I clumsily kicked at his leg without much aim. I had no idea what I was doing other than making myself safer. Like a scared child, I squashed the insect until I was sure it would not resurrect. I kicked him four more times and he submitted, falling to the floor. Then I ran right out the back door of the restaurant, not stopping until my body collided against another.

"Oh!" The body cried and grabbed my shoulders, pulling me back. In panic, I looked up and recognized the face as Jonah Reed, the man with the perfect combed-back hair and square face. Jonah Reed, the man with a laminated identification card, the man who irked me like hell. _I couldn't be more glad to see him_. "There's a guy in there!" I cried, my voice watery and frail. "He's got a knife! He tried to get the key! _He's still in there_!"

Mr. Reed, in confusion and disbelief, took a glance into the pantry only to discover the crumpled form of a man spilled out on the floor like a wounded animal. He called out like one too. I think I may have broken his nose, it sure bled like it and he sure did wheeze, though, I never found out if it were _really_ broken or not. shut the door tight and took me, quaking, to the shrink's office.

The shrink, tall, dark and alien, was the same man Antonio and I had run into when first boarding. , his name was. I wouldn't have remembered it had it not been etched onto a plate at the head of his desk. "Lorenzo, is it?" He asked and rose to shake my hand.

"Lovino." I corrected, shaking hands. I was taken aback by his casual manner.

"Yes, of course. My apologies."

"Yeah, it's fine." I dismissed and looked for a place to sit until the man referred me to a couch, the kind the make you lay down to when they want you to talk about your feelings. I sat down very stiffly.

"Are you not comfortable?" He asked with amusement. Why was he so relaxed when I felt like the world was moving a hundred miles an hour?

"It's fine." But it wasn't. I'd have much preferred a chair, something less…_vulnerable_. He asked if I would like to lay down but I denied the offer instantly. Laying down, abdomen exposed, legs outstretched, out in the open… It was like being naked.

"Lovino, can you tell me about how you're feeling right now?" His voice, like a cello, clear and crisp yet deep and domestic.

"I dunno. Um… scared a little bit…"

"There's no need to be prideful, Lovino. If you are afraid, simply say so."

"Hey, do Autrias have the same emotions that humans do?" I wondered aloud, not realizing that my question could be taken offensively.

"I think they must be very alike," He smiled the thinnest little smile, "That is a common question between any two species but that's not what I want to talk about, Lovino. Let's talk about you. How was your life before you boarded the ship. I understand that you have a sibling, did you two struggle with your relationship?"

"What's that got to do with anything!?"

"It's got a lot to do with everything. Tell me, did your parents ever express favoritism towards you or your brother?"

What's with the questions!? I still don't see what he's got to do with being stranded in space or having a switchblade at your neck or nothing."

"That's not what I want to talk about. I want to know about your childhood."

"It's not important! Can we talk about real issues?"

"This _is_ a real issue, Lovi."

"Look, if you really have to know, I think I had some issues, kay? I acted out a lot because-"

"Please don't self-diagnose, Lovi."

"Lovi? What's with that? I don't go by-"

"I call all my patients by the name that suits their maturity level. You are acting childish and therefor will be called by a child-like pseudonym."

"Screw you! Do you even care about my _life_ being threatened!? What king of a shrink _are_ you!"

"I am Doctor Nunki Jaro, I'm the on-board psychiatrist, I'm not a shrink. Now if you don't mind, please let me do my job."

"Is your job to give everyone crap about their parents not loving them enough and their girlfriends going off to blow the kid across the street? And for Christ's sake! My name is Lovino,_ just_ Lovino."

"Do you think you might be opposed to me asking about your childhood because you are repressing memories? Tell me about the secrets you intend to hide from me, Lovi."

"I don't _have_ any secrets! Now if you don't mind, I want to talk about the near-death experience that occurred just a few minutes back!"

He paused for a moment, thinking. "Okay, Lovi. Why don't you tell me what you were thinking about when that happened."

"Well, I was scared-"

"Tell me what you were thinking about when you thought you would die. What were your last thoughts, so to say."

I forced myself to think back but I didn't have to. It was Antonio, that stupid dumb ass. He didn't know how much he worried me, he must have been doubting me because of that… "Shit! Antonio! Where is he!?"

"If you're here, then I doubt he is far."

"Shit! _Shit_…" I mumbled under my breath and stood up.

"Relax, Lovino. The news of your circumstance has probably already made its way to him and if that is the circumstance, then you'll simply have to wait a moment or two before he comes bursting in here. It would save us both energy if you would just-"

Tears in his eyes, sweat on his face, and panic in his eyes, he came bursting through the doors, as predicted. His hair was frazzled like a mad man's and his expression did little to convince me that he had not become one. "Lovino?" He cried in uneasy relief.

He came in and shut the door quietly, realizing what a scene he'd made. "I brought you these." He produced my worn slippers from behind his back. "I just thought you'd want them. I don't know why… I just thought…"

"Thanks." I said and took them. I didn't know how to react to seeing him. I wanted to smile but I was mad at him. His face produced a whole sloo of emotions that would take me a week to make sense of.

"Antonio, please have a seat." The shrink said, gesturing to a chair.

"Yeah, okay." He sat and stared and adjusted and stared and adjusted again.

"Antonio, can you tell me why you've graced us with your presence this evening?"

"This guy, Jonah Something, he told me that someone had attacked Lovino so… I came."

"And how do you feel right now?"

"Scared… pretty embarrassed too." Antonio didn't seem to have any hesitations about voicing his concerns. " And guilty, I feel guilty because I went and lost my head at just the wrong time. I'm sorry, Lovino, I really am." He whimpered and I believed it. Guilt began to build inside of me as well. I shouldn't have been angry at him for being afraid.

"What do you mean by, _lost your head_?" Jaro asked.

"Well, I was going all survival phsyco, I guess you can only get so scared before you crack, huh? Anyways, I was saying some crazy stuff n' all and I called Lovino some pretty awful names and he left and I didn't know he was going to be in trouble!"

"There's no reason to blame yourself, Mister Carriedo." He turned to me. "Lovino, tell me how _you_ felt about this whole circumstance."

Feeling more confident after Antonio's confessions, I said, "Pretty shitty."

"Can you clarify? What makes you feel like that?" Jaro encouraged.

"Well… I guess… I don't know. It scares me that everyone is so afraid. I mean, I feel like… I feel like…"

"Yes, Mister Vargas?"

"_Like I want to give up_. But I can't. I mean, there's got to be at least _one person_ on the whole damn ship that doesn't lose their head and somehow, that's the role _I_ got elected. Everyone's so whacked out, there's not any time for _me _to drop a couple marbles. You know?"

"Yes, I understand. You desire to be protected, coddled even."

"Well I wouldn't say-" I began but the foreign man interrupted me.

"Lovino, I'm sensing that this desire stems from events in the early childhood. Your brother, he is younger than you, is he not?"

"Yeah. Just by a year and a half though."

"Lovino, I'd classify you with what my race calls the Ungrown Infant Syndrome. You see, when parents have a child, they nurture it because it has the status of being a baby. When your brother came around, there was a new baby and you became "the older child". Your toys were given to the new child, your mother's breast was taken from your mouth and you were expected to become an independent creature. So, as an adult, you seek the nurturing you never had."

"Are you accusing me of making Antonio my mother!?" I growled.

"No, because Antonio _is not_ your mother. Even _you_ have realized that and it causes you a great deal of stress. When you want comfort, he _needs_ it."

"Wait…so I'm _Antonio's_ mother?" Antonio seemed taken aback by my question.

"No one is anyone's mother. Antonio is simply showing emotion, something you do not allow yourself to do because you are afraid of your own weakness."

"What!?"

"It is another result of Ungrown Infant Syndrome. You learned early on that concealing your emotions was the only way to-"

"Hey! I don't have any baby syndrome! It's a load-a horse shit! Whatever kind of a shrink you are, you're not a good one!"

"I've already told you that I'm not a shrink."

"Well, then you're a funny looking dentist!"

"Lovino…" Antonio began.

"When you stop arguing with me, Lovi, we'll be able to solve a lot of problems. You'll come out of here a better person, a better _partner_."

"I don't need you to tell me how to be a good partner! Antonio and I are extremely happy!" Which was only _partially_ a lie, "And quit it with the whole _Lovi_ business! I'm an adult! A _god damn _adult!" Oh no, heat was rushing to my face. I was going to cry…. Dammit! Not in front of him, that would just make him right!

Antonio noticed my incessant blinking and nose whipping and came to my rescue. "Sorry Mister Jaro, Lovino and I have work tomorrow, we've gotta get to bed." He walked over to me and offered me a hand but I rose on my own, afraid of being made to look like a baby. Mister Jaro replied with a smug, "Yes, of course" as we left.

"Lovino?" Antonio asked softly, careful to use my full name. We walked through the mostly deserted courtyard on our way to the housing units, our shoes softly papping against the cold, stone surface.

"Do you think I'm a kid?" I asked, praying he wouldn't give the answer I didn't want to hear.

"Of course I don't."

"What do you think then?"

"Well…" He was quiet for a minute while he thought, "I think you're a fine young man who… who just needs a little more confidence than he currently has."

"_I'm not confident_?"

"You are!" He defended, "It's just that, you put on a tough act most of the time when you don't need to."

"No I don't!"

"Really? Tell me how you feel, then."

"_When_?"

"Now…ten minutes ago…twenty minutes ago…"

"Fine, I feel a bit startled and shaken but now that the air has cleared, I'm fine."

"No, you're not." He retorted plainly.

"Why the fuck not!? I _seem_ fine, don't I!? I'm not shaking or crying, am I?"

"That's just the thing, Mi Amor! You _should_ be doing those things! You _should_ be afraid, you _should_ be worried, you _should_ be emotional! Lovino, your life was just threatened! The only reason_ I'm_ not a mess right now is because I'm trying to be here for _you_! _Sometimes, it's like I'm talking to a statue_."

"Oh, is _that_ what it's like!?"

"That's not what this is about, it's about _you_, Lovi."

"_LOVI_!?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Okay? Lovino."

"Jesus, you're just like that stupid shrink!"

"Lovino, I didn't mean anything by it, you know that!" His voice was annoyed.

"Whatever, I need to get to bed, I'll see you tomorrow." I growled, speeding ahead only to be pulled back as he grabbed my hand and forced me to meet his eyes.

"Lovino, listen! Please… just listen to me. It's a terrible thing to go to bed angry, it just gives you more time to hate me."

"Yeah, well maybe that's what we need! Antonio, I don't think things are working out for us."

"That's not true! If I _never _fought with you, _then_ it wouldn't be working out between us."

"Are you saying you _want_ us to fight?" I accused.

"YES! Lovino, this is how we work things out! This is how we decide what's important to us!" Forcefully, he pulled me into a hug that I resisted firmly. "Amor, I know you're angry right now, _of course_ I know that. You're scared and frustrated, _I know that_. You must also know that _I'm_ scared and frustrated too! I almost lost you, for Christ's sake! I'm afraid, My Love! I don't know who's going to hurt you and what I can do to keep you safe!"

By then, I had stopped struggling. Slowly, I began to forgive all the anger I had piled up inside of me and then, quietly, I whispered, "Sorry, Toni-Boy…" and hugged back softly. I hadn't let go completely but I forced myself to grow-up a little and apologize.

"Lovino… I Love you, you know that?"

"Yeah."

"And you love me?"

"Sure." I mumbled but he knew I meant yes.

"Then all is good." He released me from the hug. "Amor… are you crying?" He asked.

"_No_." I retorted and whipped at my eyes harshly. "Yes…" I corrected quietly.

He removed my arm and used his own sleeve to dry the tears gently, careful not to irritate my eyes more than I already had. "Why?" He asked, his voice like a cello.

I decided to be honest for once. "I'm scared… I didn't know someone would really try to hurt me… and then… I was scared because no one came bursting through to door to save the day. Then I went to the shrink and I was scared again because he knew everything about me and he was right and then… I thought you were going to leave me…" The last sentence was choked in a sob and followed by coarse breathes.

I was pulled into his arms again and held there, unjudged, without resentment or pity. "It's been a scary day, hasn't it?" He asked.

"Yeah." I mumbled.

"Do you want me to spend the night?"

"I don't know…_yeah_…"

"Okay."

He let me go and we walked quietly to my room. Upon arriving, we discovered an envelope at the foot of the door, waiting for me. Antonio picked it up and told me to change into night wear, which I did and then sat beside him on the bed to see what the note was about. It read:

Thank you for your diligent work aboard the ship, Lovino Vargas. You've done an excellent job. Signed, The Captain of the Ship.

"Beckie?" I wondered aloud. "Did the news really get out that fast?" I sighed, a little embarrassed and put the note in my nightstand drawer.

"She's a thoughtful lady." Antonio noted and pulled off clothing until he was just in his boxers. We pulled the covers over ourselves and went to bed. In the morning, I was awoken by my screeching alarm clock at some ungodly hour. Antonio swore loudly and smacked it until finally resorting to ripping the plug out of the wall. Not five minutes later, there was a knock on the door, followed by more grumbling from the Spaniard.

"Good morning, Mister Vargas." Jonah Reed greeted as I opened the door and squinted at the painfully harsh light.

"What are you doing here?" I asked before Antonio called out, "Close the door!" behind me so I stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind me.

"Well, due to the incidents of yesterday, we're relocating you for the duration of the trip."

"What's that mean?" I asked, my words slurred with tiredness.

"Means you're no longer reporting to Big Dish International for work due to security reasons. The person who attacked you yesterday knew where you worked, so we're moving you."

"Who's to say someone won't find me in this new place?"

"We'll it's in a private area of the ship that only grants access to authorized personnel, not to mention that at least two guards are on the premises at all times."

"Jesus! Are you having me work in a prison!?"

"No, the family and specialized care unit?"

"Where's that?"

"I'm about to take you there. Of course you're still responsible for your main freezer duties."

We began to walk. "So what kind of a job is it?"

"Childcare."

"You mean little kids!?"

"Yes."

"What age?"

"All kinds of ages. For humans, it's youth age three to eight. For Autrias and Midounians, it's the age of the same maturity. Those are the only species, there aren't enough of the other species so parents choose to keep them rather than leave them to be outcast by a room of peers."

"Are kids really that harsh?"

"They can be. Sometimes they mingle between species but for the most part, they like to be amongst those who come from the same culture and play the same games."

"So, do I actually watch them or am I just hiding out there?"

"It's not a difficult job, Mister Vargas. Children entertain themselves."

"Yeah, but I'll go crazy. I'm not a kid person."

"There will be other adults, including some like yourself."

"What do you mean _like myself_?"

"I mean…" He looked around, being sure that no one was listening even though we were the only ones out so early in the morning, "People in danger because of the responsibilities they hold."

"Really? Who?"

"You'll meet them soon enough."

And I did. After retrieving the required items from the freezer, Jonah led me down the left corridor with the housing units. I was hoping it would be down the right so I would be closer to Antonio's work but no such luck.

The "_someones like myself_" were Chinese twins, and Jimmy Chu, known for their enjineering skills and terrible mouths. I can't say for certain what their names really were but I knew they were much more forgein than and Jimmy Chu. As far as personality went, they were a regular old pair of bastards. They joked with each other in all sorts of foreign languages about… god knows what. People? Places? Things? It was infuriating not to know.

When I first arrived, they were sitting on the play area carpet, examining toys and commenting to each other in words that I couldn't understand so I joined the elderly woman called Abagail. She was top dog of the whole place, she kept her hair back in a braid and her clothes concealed behind a stained apron. She said that I should spend my first day getting to know the children and the other employees. I'd have much rather swept the floor or taken out the trash.

I grabbed a bottle of disinfectant wipes and sat down on the carpet beside a group of idle children. The minute I was in their proximity, the reached their chubby hands out to touch me. I gently took each hand and wiped them much to the children's confusion. The twins began to watch me, commenting to each other. Finally, after half an hour, they came and sat down beside me. The forced their hands into mine and shook. "Hey, punk." The shorter haired twin greeted with a smile. "Name's Jimmy Chu."

"Call me , I'm older."

"Lovino." I said, feeling obligated to share even though their presence made me nervous. Not only were they confident, but they were intimidatingly handsome.

"¿Parla Italiano?" asked.

"No." I lied but I had a feeling they spoke Italian better than me and I didn't want to embarrass myself.

"No? Just English? That's cool. You're new here, right? Why?" Asked the younger, Jimmy Chu. They were curious people, indeed.

I decided to tell them, even though I wasn't supposed to. I felt like that was my pass into their secret club, like it would earn me some kind of credit. "I'm in charge of the main freezer." I said under my breath. "You?"

"We're trying to change the course."

"The ships's course?"

"Yeah. And it wouldn't be so god damn hard if we were allowed to take it apart but they're real sensitive about that kind of stuff. They don't want us to completely break the machine, they're afraid we'll stop moving. Right now, all we know is that we're going _somewhere _and that's better than going nowhere."

"Do you think it's an inside job?"

"Depends on where we are. We know we're somewhere around Saturn, there's a whole team of dorks running calculations on relative distance, trying to get a better location. They don't know yet if we're close enough to anywhere with radio signals. You see, if we were within two hundred or so light-years of Saturn, than someone on Saturn could be tampering with us. We don't know of any other ships close to us, it's possible it's an inside job. Only…"

"What?"

"Nobody on the ship has enough experience with this kind of stuff. They're all equally clueless. Even the mathematicians and scientists don't have the kind of education it would take to run a beast like this. Hell, we're all retards compared to the species that made the damn ship! It took their best and brightest years to come up with this technology and we don't know of anybody who's smart enough to hack one."

"So what are they doing?"

"Well…" Jimmy Chu glanced around, making sure all the others were preoccupied. "Now you can't tell anyone, Lovino, got that?" I nodded. "There's a team of us, see? At one from every species, and all of know something about ships. They figure, if they can get enough brains working on it, we'll be able to solve something. We have meetings, we come up with different approaches then we bust our asses on locked doors."

"Have you guys made any progress?"

"We're not supposed to say anything but… when it comes down to it, no. We're pretty sure it's not a malfunction in the ship."

"How do you know?"

"_It has a personality_."

"What does?"

"The hack. The person or thing that's driving the ship marbles. It's like a game of strategy, it's making plays, it's calculating a plan. It's not a just fried motherboard, it's something more."

"Boys?" Abagail from her chair in the learning center. There were four rooms in center. The learning room where there was the entrance, stimulating toys and books. Abagail spent most of her time reading to the children and correcting their shortcomings in there. Then there was the play room where preferred to spend his time. Lots of toys laid scattered about the floor, making it especially hazardous for persons taller than two feet. Next, there was the nap room, Jimmy Chu's favorite. Mats were piled around, blankets heaped in corners and unconscious children tossed about. Lastly, the special attention room, which was no one's favorite. In the special attention room, children were secluded for bad behavior or changed in case of a fecal surprise.

Jimmy Chu rose when called and brought me with him to report to Abagail. She told us that she had heard some whining coming from the nap room and she wanted us to settle whoever was having a bad dream. The old woman kept a radio at her hip so she could check on all of the little "piglets" as she called them. True to her assumption, in the middle of the nap room lay a quaking Autria child. Jimmy Chu stood in the door way and gave me a look that urged me to take care of it so I did.

Autrian children are a good four or five inches taller than human children, I couldn't pick her up. I gently pressed on her taupe skin, it was the beautiful shade of dark sand, grey and red and brown all at the same time. I tried rubbing her arm softly but she wouldn't calm. I began petting her soft papaya hair. I felt so intrusive, touching a body that was not of my own species. I reminded myself that she was just a child and wouldn't know the difference. After a minute, her breath calmed and she rolled over, no longer bothered.

"Those kids are just like human kids." Jimmy Chu told me and we softly closed the door and returned to the play area. "All kids are the same, really."

To prove his point, he reached over and ruffled the apricot tuft of hair on an Autrian child who was scribbling a picture beside him. The child didn't like that. He put down his crayons, pulled a golden mask over his face, and began to beat on Jimmy Chu who laughed.

"What's with the mask?" I asked. It was ovular and decorated with blue and red patterns.

"They're Autrian warriors. That mask's Tuma, the warrior of the mountains. He's a favorite among the children." explained. "There's a could figures that are well liked. Like Puapua, the warrior of water, Wiahwa, warrior of magic, and Baba, warrior of trickery."

"You know all the names?"

"The kids know the stories by heart, I must have heard them each a thousand times. Give it a week and you'll know everything about these kids."

After just one day, I knew everything about them. Autrian kids were more than excited to recite the many tales of the warriors to me and I learned to detect when a mischievous Midounian child was going to throw a water ball at you. The human kids, thankfully, were everything I expected them to be. They never had to take rehydrating baths like the Midounians and they could telepathically send you clicking noises. Apparently, they could click messages at each other without making a single noise. They said it was harder to do it to a human since they had different brains so they would take turns doing it for ten seconds at a time. scolded them for picking on me but suggested that I start standing up for myself. The twins weren't trying to set an example either. They hacked the music player to play what they liked rather than the approved music. By the end of the day, I dragged my tired limbs out of the building and to the seaweed plant where I collapsed into Antonio.

"I heard you were relocated. Hard day?"

"You don't know the half of it." I grumbled as we sat down on a bench. Antonio suggested we get coffee.

"Well, I heard the food is better, at least."

"Hardly! All the kids play tricks on me because I'm new and I can't see it coming! A little Midounian boy at lunch evaporated all the water in my tea and the Autrias wouldn't stop clicking at me! They're demons!"

"Just give it some time, you'll learn their games and they'll get over the excitement of meeting a stranger."

"They're going to drive me crazy with the clicking before that ever happens."

"Well, you can tell when they're getting ready to connect telepathically because their pupils get thin like a cat's."

"You can't see their eyes behind the masks."

"They can't connect through the masks anyways, too much interference. Just look for the kid without the mask and there's your culprit."

"How do you know so much about them?"

"I have an Autrian friend on Earth."

"I just want to sleep…" I grumbled, leaning against him.

"Poor baby…" He cooed and pet my head. "Let's get dinner and go to the planetarium, how about it?"

"Okay." We had club sandwiches at Café Donde and took our cups full of hot coffee to "The Ultimate Masterpiece", where we had gone on that first date. We reclined in the chairs and watched the unmoving stars flicker and glow.

"Where do you think we're going?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"Somewhere. Not nowhere, that would be boring."

"The people I work with, they say someone or something is controlling it. They want us alive, don't they? I mean, they haven't killed us off."

"I think, if someone really is controlling it, then they want to watch. They want us to live, so I don't worry. It means I'll always be able to find a way to keep you alive. Now, I don't want to talk about that. I just want to be in love. Let's enjoy this, okay?"

"It's hard to enjoy certain death."

"It's not certain death, I told you that! You're going to be okay, I promise."

"How do you know?"

"Because I do! Lovino, precious, talk about something else, I beg you."

"What should I talk about?"

"Enchant me with philosophy, tell me about your life and love. That's why I fell in love with you, I love the way you dream. Tell me about your dancing."

I blushed. "My dancing? It… it was okay. I did a lot of performances, it was a lot of fun."

"Why did you stop?"

"I was never good enough. I would practice every day for hours, I wanted to be really good at something. I watched my diet, I was punctual to class, I rehearsed until my toes bled but there was always the free spirit who would run into class ten minutes late with a greasy breakfast sandwich in their mouth and give the performance of their life. No matter how many days I stayed late with the instructor, I was still a cheap background dancer. She said I didn't give enough feeling and I was too stiff and I was trying too hard. I hated it so… one day, in practice, I twisted my ankle and had to go home early…I never came back." I shut my lips, realizing how much I had just given away.

"That's terrible…"

"Whatever. It doesn't really matter."

"It _does_ matter. _You_ matter." He said and took my hand.

That damn boy knew exactly what I wanted to hear. He knew how to grab my hand just gentle enough that it would melt into his. He knew how to breathe just soft enough that I would relax. He knew how to look at me with those beautiful green eyes, the eyes that reminded me of summer and from behind those eyes, I felt beautiful. I felt like I was the best at something, like I was _wanted_. "Why do you look at me like that?" I asked quietly, my voice a thin whisper in the star-encased room.

"Like what?" He asked but continued to look at me that way. His peach lips parted kindly, his cocoa hair fell on his face like vines, clinging to his warm autumn skin.

"Like… like I am worth being looked at that way…"

A warm, calloused reached out and cupped my cheek as if it were a precious thing. "Don't act like you don't know."

"Don't know what?"

"That I think you are the beautiful. Don't act like you can't tell that I admire your every detail, every stroke that goes into creating a masterpiece. When your eyes are full of happiness, don't pretend like you can't see my heart flipping over. Surely you must notice how I'm enthralled by your words of passion. You must see how I long for your spunk, how I strive to be the name on your lips. Of course I look at you this way."

"You've known for so short a time. You don't know the kind of hardship I can bring. You haven't seen me in my most natural form."

"I've seen you in fear, I've seen you in envy and hatred and frustration and mourning and longing and sadness. I've seen the sides of you which you wish to conceal. What have I to fear?"

"You don't know my story, you don't know all the times of my bitterness. I've lived in worlds were there was only loathing and discomfort."

"As have I. If you can be patient with me, then I promise you will never have to ask for my acceptance."

"Antonio… tell me now, what do you expect to do with me if I should allow all my desire to you?"

"Marry you, if it's a gesture you'd accept. And we'd have a nice place to live and a warm bed to sleep in."

"You can't expect that I'll stay home all day."

"No, the Lovino I know is not an idle person. You'll run around, discovering yourself and creating memories. As long as you come back home to me, I won't complain."

"And what of children? I couldn't provide you any."

"That's not a thing to concern ourselves with yet. When we decide what to do with that house, we'll figure it out."

"And what if we never leave this ship?"

He smiled and outspread his arms to the open sky. "Then we will make a home among the city of endless lights. We will build our house so that it neighbors every planet. Every constellation will be our native story."

"You make perilous abandonment into a romantic scene."

"I'm a romantic."

"Yes, I know."

"Do you love me?"

"I suppose I do."

"Then it's working."

"You're an idiot." I chucked.

"You're the idiot who fell in love with an idiot." He reminded me.

"What are we going to do? There's not much a pair of idiots can do."

"They can make love."

"Oh, but they wouldn't."

"Why wouldn't they?"

"Because they must wake far too early in the morning and they have far too many things to worry about."

"Okay." He laughed. "Maybe they don't. They can stargaze though, can't they?"

"Yes, I believe they can."

And so we did and everything was right. We were no longer lost in space, nobody was dying, nobody was sad. The world had become perfect when his hand enveloped mine and his lips contoured mine softly. Everything seemed so perfect, like the story was over, like the hurt would never return. It seemed like nothing could go wrong…


	4. Nora Westen

HOVA

Nora Westen

On day…well, I had stopped counting. Twenty-something? Regardless, on that day, something changed. The first thing distinctly different was that the twins had stopped coming to work. The work was piling up on Abagail and I and the handful of volunteers who also stopped coming once the twins were decidedly absent. They didn't show up that twenty-something-th day or the next day or even the day after that. We began to worry. Jimmy Chu had told me about when he went to find his extra shampoo which he kept in his suitcase under the bed only to discover a duct-tape mass of wires and lights strapped to the belly of the mattress. It was a bomb, one under each of the beds. He pulled off his bed by his shirt collar, screaming like a madman until a neighbor rushed in and called for security. No doubt, his heroic actions were less heroic and more pathetic but he told the story proudly while rolled his eyes in that constantly cool manner of his.

I couldn't help thinking…whoever put those bombs there would come back, wouldn't they? Neither of the brothers had ceased the practice that required their extermination, so of course, it was still a priority. When I asked them, they said that they weren't afraid because they were smarter than typical lab rats. They said that the only make mistakes once, and that if the offender came back, he'd have to have one hell of a plan to catch them again. Then they said they'd be proud to die at the hand of a mastermind who's evil genius bettered their own but that didn't keep the old woman and I from wondering if maybe it did.

On the fourth day of their absence, Abby, as she preferred to be called though it felt uncomfortable to say, dismissed me during my lunch break to get some news on the boys. After asking around and putting my nose in places where it shouldn't have been, I found them. Well, they were more or less the twins that I knew before but they called themselves by the same names and wore the same faces. They were more sweaty and tired and delusional than I had ever seen them before.

"We've been working non-stop." Jimmy Chu informed me and took a long chug from his coffee. Judging by the way he trembled, it was not his first. We were at the head of the ship, the captain's quarters, and where the navigation monitor was located. "There's a new thing, it just showed up in the middle of the night and no one knows how it came or nothing. It was just there in the morning and it doesn't do anything but sit like a mother-fuck'n rock." He said, his words tiredly rambled together.

"What does?" I asked, watching his cup-holding hand tremble.

"What? Oh! _It's a screen_, that's all it is. Ran a hundred and one diagnostic checks, _swear I did_, it's just a plain old screen and it doesn't do anything. It just sits there like a mother-"

"Wait, like a _computer_ screen?"

"Got a keyboard too. I'm not supposed to be blabb'n about it, Beckie's got a stick up her ass about the whole thing. You know what's funny? I mean, it's god damn hilarious. Some punk went around leaving notes signed by "The Captain of the Ship". Beckie says they're trying to pull something on her, some kind of mockery, she says."

"Did you tell him about how it doesn't do nothing?" A familiar voice called out. came in, whipping his hands on his loose pair of stained overalls and taking the coffee from Jimmy Chu. "It doesn't do anything." He repeated and gulped down the steaming drink without the slightest hesitance.

"Wait, you were saying something about letters from the captain." I growled. It was impossible to get information out of the twins, they were easily distracted and constantly bored.

"Yeah, I was. Beckie's real pissed about it."

"What do they say?"

"I dunno, just dumb stuff." offered, "Like, "_You're doing a great job_" or "_I think you should focus more of your time being productive. Hard work is the foundation of success and happiness_" Hey, Jim, what did ours say again?"

"It said," The younger answered, "_It is so disappointing when a few bad habits corrupt a whole population. Those who kept the bad habits to begin with are therefore responsible for the punishment of all_." They had a laugh between themselves.

"Why are you guys wasting your time with a silly keyboard then!? Find who's sending the letters!" I cried only to be met with mutual scowls.

"Thanks for the tip, Genius, but the letters go missing, all of them. We can't follow a trail that doesn't exist." One twin grumbled. " 'Sides, who do you think I am? Mister Superslueth?"

"Yeah, this thing's the only physical evidence of hacking that exists on the whole damn ship. We've typed codes and combos and hacks, it doesn't respond. It doesn't say anything but it knows something, that for damn skippy." The other added.

I approached the key board, studied the blank screen, and tapped a random key. Nothing happened. began to say something but Jimmy Chu shut him up with a "Let him give it a shot, it's not like he's not going to break it." I felt their eyes watching me. Nervously, I hit a couple more buttons without earning results. Then an idea came to my mind. The twins said it had a personality, didn't they? They said it had a strategy as if it were playing a game.

H.E.L.L.O.

I typed, being sure that those letters were arranged in that order. Wait. Wait. Nothing. My heart sunk.

Capital W.H.O. space A.R.E space Y.O.U. Question mark.

I whispered the letters to myself as I went.

Enter.

Instantly, little, electric, white characters printed across the emptiness.

**I am The Captain of the Ship.**

The twins began hysterically yelling. "What did you do?" "What code?" "Did you pull a wire?" They grabbed my arms and face and panted and sweated. I felt as if I were going to pass out.

"I asked it who it was." I spat nervously. Damn it, I just _had_ to go and break shit. I should'a minded my own god damn business.

"Jim, go get someone!" ordered.

"No! Not yet!" The younger objected. "They'll launch a grand old investigation! Let's get answers out of it while we can!"

"What do we ask!?" The older countered.

"Um… where we're going! Lovino!" Jimmy Chu shoved me at the screen. "Ask it where we're going." He demanded.

I looked to who only shrugged, as unsure as I was. My fingers trembled as I readied them to type and my vision wavered. Slowly, I punched in:

W.H.E.R.E space A.R.E space W.E space G.O.I.N.G question mark.

Wait. Wait. Nothing.

"What happened?" Jimmy Chu asked, staring at the screen with confusion.

"What'd I do?" I wondered aloud.

"Think back." Suggested , "What did you do last time?"

"I typed the question, perfect spelling, perfect grammar."

"Try it again, maybe you made a spelling mistake, say the letters aloud." He ordered. So I did, going slowly and saying every letter aloud. Nothing.

"Did you make sure to use a question mark?" The younger Asian asked.

"Yes."

"Did you capitalize?" The older offered.

"Shit! That's it! I forgot to capitalize!" The both ushered me to try again.

_Capital_ W.H.E.R.E space A.R.E space W.E space G.O.I.N.G question mark.

**I will tell you.**

"It answered!" We all exclaimed.

Capital W. H. E. N. question mark.

I quickly typed in. No answer.

"Idiot! Whole sentences!" The older twin scolded. "Ask, _When will you tell us where we are going_?" So I did and it responded with:

**I will tell you where we are going at a later time.**

Next, we decided to ask why it had changed our course. It took us a couple of tries before we realized that we had to ask why it had changed _the ship's_ course.

**I will tell you why I have changed the ship's course when I also tell you were we are going.**

Finally, we asked it why it would not tell us those things now and it answered:

**I will not tell you those things now because it is not time to tell you those things. You may all expect letters from me and some of you may receive them. It is by your own choice whether you do or do not read them but be warned that if you do not read them, you cannot receive my instruction and therefor will fail in your tasks. **

It would not answer questions after that. We did call for the others eventually and they were furious with us for not notifying them at the first sign of interaction. They carefully recorded all it had said and began preparing their investigation. "_You boys_," Beckie barked as soon as she arrived, "Well, just let me say that I am more than disappointed in you! If you had called for us when you should have, we could have decided what questions would be most advantageous to ask!"

"_Cool it_, it talks, doesn't it!?" spat back.

"It's not like you would've gotten more out of it than we did. It doesn't want to tell us anything." The cool and collected Jimmy Chu added, his hands stuffed into his pockets.

"That's not for you to say!" She fired back. "Maybe it would have said more if we had more time to put together the right questions!"

"Look, it says what it wants to and nothing else. It's a puppeteer, it likes to play games with lots of pawns, whatever it is. I doubt your sentence structure would have changed its mind. Now, if you don't mind, we haven't slept in three days cause we've been too busy playing solitaire with this stupid jack-in-the-box shit-fest. Good night and good riddens." Without another word, the twins turned and left. I followed closely behind them, trying and succeeding to escape Beckie's wrath.

I spent the rest of the day at the childcare center, numbly going over the events of the morning, trying to sort them out and extract all of the meaning behind the computer's words. I didn't mind the mental infiltration or the lack of liquid in my coffee, I was too focused on making myself believe that this crazy story was _actually_ happening in _real life_. Then again, maybe I was completely delusional or even dead. I guess it didn't matter because, if this _were _real life, I would be both fairly soon.

When I saw the curly-heady boy after work, he took note of my state and suggested that we have a couple drinks. Tiredly, I followed alongside him and relayed my story, relieved to get the words out of my throat where they had been festering impatiently. "And I'm afraid." I finished.

"There's no reason that you shouldn't be… I am too." He agreed, staring into his bitter glass of wine.

"I wonder who it'll be…"

"What?"

"He'll pick a representative, won't he? I mean, that's what this whole secret message business is about. He's going to choose someone to relay his messages for him, it's a classic move."

"What makes you think it'll take classic moves? Whatever it is, it plays like a game. Strategy is its strong suit."

"I don't know… it's just a guess, something the twins suggested." I lifted the glass to my lips and tipped the bottom up for a quick swig. "By the way, who's tab is this on?"

"Mine?" Antonio offered and I turned up the glass once more to finish it off. Alcohol could not be bought on ship credit, it was special with an even more special price. Tonight, Antonio was splurging. Having money is no good if you die before you can spend it.

"Do you think it'll pick me?" I asked, finally drowsy enough to let the gnawing question escape.

"If I knew the answer to a question like that, I'd sleep easier at night." He said and handed me his half-empty glass. There was a long time of silence in which he slumped lower in his chair and I drank until we had two empty glasses. "Lovi?"

"Yeah?"

"I've been thinking… I'm going to quit my job."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…"

"Why?"

"I worry about you." His soft emerald eyes met mine. "This situation is quickly getting worse… I don't want to risk you again. It would be better if we were together more."

"I can take care of myself, Antonio. Don't you remember how I beat up that one guy?"

"I know, I just… our lives are ending pretty quickly now." His voice changed, carrying a serious tone. "There will be a last day and I don't want that last day to come while I'm standing behind a filtration system, thinking about how sore my feet are. I need to enjoy your company while I still have it." The boy crinkled his nose in anticipation of a sadness that he could not fight.

I reached out and covered his free hand with mine. "It's a sad story, isn't it?" He nodded. I perked up the edges up my lips a bit, "A real tragedy, that's what the scholars would call it. Like Romeo and Juliet almost, right? Like… like it's too damn sad to happen in real life, like that." He nodded again and tried to smile back but ended up causing the tears to release. He looked away, hiccupping and refusing to turn towards me. I didn't prod him, I let him cry, seeing no reason to fight those kinds of things anymore.

"Are you crying for _my _sake? I don't need crying for." I said once he had settled.

"I'm crying 'cause it such a damn shitty story. If this ship never left, I wouldn't have met you but it also wouldn't end this way. Is it a blessing or a curse?"

"Neither…and both, I guess. Maybe… we were never _meant_ to live on Earth again, maybe it was just worked out that our lives would end here, plain and simple."

"But… why isn't there a way out? There's _always_ a way out!"

"Not always."

"This is so shit!" He cursed under his breath. I held his hand firmly. I hated that I didn't have an answer. My mother always called those kinds of questions, the ones without answers, gulp questions because a gulp was the only answer you could give. Gulp questions were things like: "Why is he dead?" and "Why is everything screwed up all the time?"

"It's… well… yeah, it's shitty." I muttered.

"It's _so_ shitty! I'm going to do something about it, I will!" The Spaniard countered fiercely, slamming a fist down on the table.

"Keep your voice down!" I scolded. "You can't say things like that, not now."

"Why!? Are its electric ears going to hear me?"

"I don't know! Besides, there are people on the ship too, you know. People will snitch to get ahead."

"Dammit! I don't care, _I don't want to die_, Lovino! I don't want to lose you, end of discussion! What are we supposed to do, hold this epic survival game for some dumb computer!? Kill each other? Eat our neighbors? Sacrifice the naïve and vulnerable just to live another day? I won't do it! I won't be a pawn in that game!"

"Antonio, I'm serious, shut up!"

"For you, Lovino, I'll do it _for you_." He continued as if I hadn't said a thing. "I don't care who that cyborg brain thinks he is but it's about time he realizes he's just a damn sadistic coward."

I gripped his arm hard if not painfully so. "Stop! Antonio, stop." I insisted and, for my sake, he quieted down then managed to make me forgive him. The dismissal of my worries didn't go without consequences though because the next morning, the first fleet of prophesized letters were delivered. My doormat was empty, thank heavens, but Antonio was not so lucky. His read:

_Antonio Fernandez Carriedo,_

_Often, the resistant members of society such as rebels cause more dysfunction and harm inside their community than they solve. Work on being more thoughtful, your actions could cause those closest to you the most pain._

In a fit of anger, he tore the note up and stuffed it down the drain then he went straight to the seaweed plant and quit, leaving his uniform, apron and name tag. "_That son of a bitch_." He mumbled, dragging me along with him, "_If he thinks he's going to get to you, he's got another thing coming, that god damn son of a bitch, I'll kill him_."

Then, around eleven, we learned who was chosen as pawn. Her name was Nora Westen and her note read:

_Dear Nora Westen,_

_I would like to formally invite you to meet with me at eleven o'clock tomorrow morning in my quarters. Please attend alone and be punctual._

I saw her… Her mousy face was hidden behind the mass of wild cocoa hair, even when it was held back with a charcoal headband. Her face was permanently pink either from constant anxiety or a recently emotional breakdown. I knew her from Big Dish International, we were coworkers. Her usual timidness was never as great as it was when she approached the captain's quarters that day.

She nudged forward to the captain's quarters slowly and quietly, escorted by Julia, the strong-willed manager and friend. The small girl was in her best: a long plaid skirt tucked over a neatly ironed, white, blouse. Many times during the precession, she nervously fixed her collar or patted her skirt flat.

I was "invited" per say, to attend this event due to my involvement in the awakening of the computer. There was hope that, if something went wrong, that I might have the right weird idea to fix it. At my side were the mandarin twins and their pals from the "cure the crazy" team, whom I was not allowed to know the names of. On the other side of the procession was a team of computer geeks checking their microphones and cameras. "What's the visual like?" One man asked another. "We're good, we've got a bit of static input but the image is clear." The other answered. "All right, can we get some feedback on camera four? And, Jackson, get up some filters up for diluted speech. We're rolling in thirty seconds, everyone in your god damn seats."

Mister Reed, the man with the perfect hair and bitter attitude, approached the shaking girl with a soft smile. "Hey, Kiddo." He said. "Here's the script, okay? Try to get as close as possible and if you get nervous, just read what we've got written here in blue. Okay? And here on the back…" He flipped over the paper, "These are some questions that are really important for you to ask. Be thorough, do you think you can do that?"

She nodded and accepted the list. "What if he asks _me_ questions?"

"Don't lie but don't give out too much information. No specific names."

"I don't want-" She started.

"We're right on the other side of that door. We'll see and hear everything, don't be worried."

"Okay…"

She parted with Julia and entered, closing the door quietly behind her. Jimmy Chu and took their places as heads of the operation, an annoying but accepted habit. "Quiet everyone." Jimmy Chu ordered, strutting over to the monitors and making a place for himself at the controls. He adjusted the camera so the monitor would show us what we wanted to see.

Silence wafted through us, we even hushed our own breaths to hear the whirring of a mechanical brain though that was not necessary because, as it would happen, the computer spoke.

"Hello, Nora." It's sophisticated voice said, echoing through our brains rapidly. We looked at each other, stirred, shrugged, frowned, and returned to the screen.

"H-Hello…" She said, her voice far from clear and confident.

"You're nervous." It mentioned.

"No." She lied, then remembered that it was much smarter than her and revised her answer. "I'm a bit nervous."

"Would you like to sit down?"

"Okay." She took a seat and focused her eyes on the crinkled parchment in her fist. "What are your plans for the passengers of this ship?" She read verbatim, like a robotic mouse. She shook so terribly that tried to adjust the screen before realizing that the unsteadiness was not a fault of the camera.

"Put away the paper Nora, let's just talk, you and me."

I could sense her breath running cold and her insides coiling. Her little hands did as they were told and rested the paper on the ground. "Okay." The thin voice replied. Reed mumbled curses.

"How are you enjoying your trip, Nora?" It asked smoothly.

"Okay…" Her voice quivered as if tears were at stake.

"Relax, Nora, I'm not going to hurt you. We've met before actually."

She nodded in agreement though it was obvious she had no idea what he was talking about.

"Don't you remember?"

"No… but everyone says I have a terrible memory…"

"No bother, I'm a new me and you're a new you, we'll start fresh."

Just then, the girl lost in her wooly hair had a clever idea. "Okay, start fresh. Hi, I'm Nora. What's your name?"

"Sneaky girl." He replied in a playful voice. "You can call this new me Lue, it's a nice short name."

"Okay."

Neither of them spoke for a while. Nora closed her legs tight and kept her arms tight at her sides, aware of the invisible eyes watching her. "You wanted to ask me some questions, is that it?" In Lue's voice, you could sense a twinge of despair. Maybe he was hoping Nora would be more open with him, not so timid and hateful.

"Yes." She said.

"Alright. I'll answer one of your questions for every two you answer of mine, limit three."

"What do you want to know?" She replied, still in a state of confusion over the mysteriously-personal android.

"How tall are you?" He asked.

Bewildered, she began to stutter. "I-I-I don't know…I-I haven't checked in a while. I think… five one? Five?"

"Are your hands still soft or calloused by long days of work?"

The discomfort grew exponentially. "I don't know… they're the same as they've always been."

"No they're not!" The voice, for the first time, became angry. "Nothing is the same anymore! You're a woman now rather than the girl I knew. Your baby fat is gone, there are swellings on your chest rather than your hips. Your hands are tough and calloused now!"

All were silent. No words could explain the startling turn of events. Our enemy had brought more confusion upon the unsolved mysteries of before.

"If you knew the answer…then why did you ask?" Nora's little voice came over the speaker, more confident than what was characteristic for the girl.

"That…!" Lue sounded flustered, "That… _Damn it_, Nora! Shut up! All I want is for you to answer my questions truthfully!" He roared.

"Okay!" She cried submissively. "_Okay!_ Okay!"

Heavy breaths could be heard from Lue. "I'll forgive you…" He said in a slightly lighter tone, "I'll forgive you. It's okay for you to make mistakes sometimes, right? Kids make mistakes all the time, all they need is a little slap on the wrist. Say you're sorry and I'll forgive you, say you're sorry for talking back."

"I'm sorry for talking back!" Nora cried, tears finally spilling out of fear. I felt bad for the little lamb as she stood there shaking.

"Now, now, Nora, don't cry, I won't yell at you again if you don't disappoint me again." The sadistic voice cooed.

"Okay…" Her voice, now light as a breeze replied. Tears still rolled down her cheeks.

"Now I feel bad… I'll let you ask two questions."

She retrieved the paper and cleared some hair away from her face. "What are your plans for the passengers of this ship?" She read aloud, hiccupping only once.

"I haven't bothered thinking about that, they don't matter."

"They don't matter!? Of course they…" She whined in confusion.

"Don't talk back." He reminded her firmly, danger prominent in his voice. She nodded. "You see, Nora, there are so many people in this universe and this ship contains such a small amount of the whole sum. When we take into account sentient life, we must also include the life which is infinitesimally smaller than our own and also larger and also probable life such as the children who will be born two hundred years from now. I'll spare you as many of the technicalities as I can, you wouldn't understand. What I mean is that our universe and all others are complex organisms that live and breathe something called probability. Every fiber of existence is a creation of chance, it is the foundation of matter and matter that no longer exists or will exist in the future."

I stopped trying to understand what he was talking about. For the next ten minutes, we patiently listened to a wild goose chase in which he discussed sub-reality theory and alternate-existence theory and appa-evolution and by the time it was over, we were all thoroughly confused. After spitting some lightning-fast calculations at us, he concluded with, "Their lives are of one point four one times ten to the negative five hundred and twenty first power importance combined. That's hardly anything at all."

Nora did not answer.

"You may ask your second question now."

When she asked where the ship was going, we were rewarded with an equally disappointing answer involving quantum physics, the average diameter of an event horizon and the answer to why triangles exist. I excused myself for a coffee run, not wanting to listen to anymore of Lue's bullshit.

Bitter cold prickled my face and I tightened my jacket around myself. It took a lot of energy to heat the ship so, naturally, we decided to conserve that energy by only heating the ship to what was necessary. They had that energy generator that Antonio showed me working overtime. Still, it wasn't enough. Antonio said that they installed those three little contraptions for the same reason they installed life jackets on the Titanic: for show. No one thought that we would actually need them, they were just some cute high-tech props that turned human waste into water, food, and energy.

I got coffee like I said I would, noticing that it tasted more and more like human waste each day. I didn't immediately return to the captain's quarters either, I sat outside the staff break room and thought about Antonio, the boy who was so afraid yet so brave and I wondered how he became that was. Always caring, always ready to help, always eager to protect. I wondered why he chose _me_ of all people… why he wanted to help and protect and care for _me_.

We were very different people. I could never manage to get back on my feet once I fell. I tried all sorts of things, I always thought I would be an artist and make something that people would care about but my efforts always canceled each other out. I burned my hands everyday while cooking and still, my food was bland. I broke my toes and aged my bones for years in pursuit of the perfect plié just so some spunky kid could waltz in and steal the show. Again and again, I fell… After breaking my heart so many times, I just gave up trying to put it back together. I looked at my paintings and saw splotches, I listened to my voice and heard noise, I closed my eyes and felt pain. So I gave up. I got myself a nine-to-five job with Big Dish and hopped on the first ship out of the dump of a planet. To be honest, the whole "stuck in space" thing never really bothered me.

Antonio on the other hand had only tried a handful of different things and admired me for my list of aspirations. I admired him for his content stability. He was set on the idea of returning to Earth, he refused to imagine an ending other than that one. He told me once, with a bit of embarrassment, that he planned a future for us on Earth in which we would get a nice house and make lots of friends and eat good food and spend our lives together. That didn't sound too bad, I really did love him. I would be happy in that future. He would be happy when I was around, he would hold me safely and bed me unselfishly and we would be happy but unlike Antonio, I could tell dreams from reality.

When I finally returned to the captain's quarters, everyone looked more or less nauseous. I sat down and glanced over the written record of Nora's harassment and saw that he had been persistently asking about how she had grown as a woman, prying open her emotions and harshly accusing her of being impure. The lamb finally came out an hour later, face drained of energy and eyes void of reaction. Julia threw a blanket over the girl's shoulders and took her away.

The boys packed up their equipment quietly and locked the door to the captain's quarters. "Can I go now?" I asked Jimmy Chu, my words impeding on his depressed silence.

"Yeah, kid, get out of here." He ruffled my hair lazily and continued with the cleanup. Antonio was waiting for me outside the no-entry tape. He put down his book and started walking with me.

"How'd it go?" He asked.

"Okay."

"Did you guys get any information?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"They have to analyze it, figure out what all of his nonsense means. Maybe it means nothing at all, maybe it's an encoded answer."

"How'd Nora do?" He asked.

"She…well…he wrecked her."

"What?"

"The poor kid got non-stop abuse, he said he knew her but I have no idea what that really means. He wanted to know every detail of every relationship she'd ever had. He profiled her like a criminal but she answered it all, she got everything we asked her to."

"Jeez…" Antonio sighed. "You think he actually knows her?"

"I don't know." I confessed. "It _seems_ like it but "seems" is just a filler word for "might-be-but-probably-won't-be"."

We were mutually quiet for a while which had become the new state of "normal" between any two people on the ship. "Lovi…" Antonio finally interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"Let's do something fun."

"Now?"

"Yeah."

"This hardly seems like the appropriate time for _fun_. I feel like taking a nap and having some coffee afterwards."

"Ooooorrr…..we could compromise and do the upgraded fun-version of your plan."

"What's that?"

"Sex and wine."

"Idiot," I moaned, "Now's not a good time for sex, I'm not in the mood. Actually, I'm rather depressed, do something about _that_."

"Hmm… We could get married."

"Or I could take a couple aspirins and lay down for a while."

"Lovino, my love!" The Spaniard grabbed my hand excitedly, "We are young! We are spontaneous and passionate and strong! We do _not_ take aspirins and lay down! We act romantically and we enjoy our being!"

"What do you suggest, Mister In-the-Moment?"

"First! First, we go dancing and drink. Then we make love and get up for an early dinner. Lastly, we roam the ship and I will woo you with poetry."

So, we went with his plan. Believe me, I dragged my feet until my third or fourth drink. I really didn't feel like being young, not after I had aged myself over the past few days with worry. This morning was reason enough to not smile for a week but Antonio had a way of loosening me up. He talked to me smoothly, kissed my neck, pecked my ears, worked glass after glass into my hand. We danced like maniacs.

"I love this song." He mouthed over the blaring music at the Jellyfish. I laughed to myself because the song he loved so much was just a paced low beat. "Me too." I mouthed back.

"Come here, I want to show you something." He took my hand and pulled me over to a less crowded area on the floor. "My mom taught me this, it's a stress reliever." He handed me his drink and showed me how he could grape-vine back and forth. I laughed aloud. "If you're so great, show me something better."

He took our glasses and, just as I'd practiced for years, I performed ten consecutives pirouettes. It was perfectly graceful until I a minute afterwards when all the alcohol in my stomach began to disagree. "That was amazing! I didn't know you could dance so beautifully." Antonio said, help me stand upright. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I dismissed. He found a glass of water and held it up to my lips.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. The lights are hurting my head though."

He agreed and we left. The sex that followed was great. I promised myself that I wouldn't but it didn't seem to matter all that much anymore. Antonio comforted me, he made me forget, he kept me from trying to unriddle the whole mess for just a minute while he kissed and whispered and held. I hadn't remembered liking sex before but I was always told it would be different if you did it with the right person. Neither of us did it out of hate or envy or power or even a quick orgasm. None of those things crossed my mind, only a longing for interaction. I didn't want anything, really… I just wanted to be there… to be close, to be loved, to be wanted so whole-heartedly.

I hated myself for forgetting Nora so quickly, I'd have felt better if I'd sulked a little longer but Antonio wouldn't have it. He said that by getting put off my all Lue's shit, I was letting him win. "I hate that bastard." I grumbled as we lay under his sheets, lazily watching a movie and scratching our heads.

"I know."

"What if we just go in there and smash the computer?"

"Then he's angry."

"That stupid bastard…he's ruining everything. You said that, if we went back to Earth, that we could have a nice house all of our own."

"Of course! The nicest!" He cooed and kissed my cheekbone.

"I don't see how that's going to happen if cyber-nut keeps up his psycho act."

"Well…" He smiled and ran a few fingers through my hair, "We can always hope."

"Damn him, I don't want to hope! I _deserve_ for my life to be nice like that! Finally, something good has happened to me and that bastard wants to ruin it."

"He can't _touch_ us! We're golden, Lovino! Look at us now, we can be as happy as we want, right now, and he can't do anything about it."

"I want security, though. I want to feel safe."

"You _are _safe!" His arms slid themselves around me. "I'll protect you, I swear! We'll just stay in this bed for the rest of our lives, I can protect you here."

"You're stupid." I laughed under my breath. "What are we supposed to do? Make love and eat mattress stuffing?"

"We'll take breaks for sleep."

"What happened to Mister Revolutionist? Mister Defeat-the-Anarchy."

"He's huuungry~"

We got dressed and had an early dinner of Chinese food. The two of us vowed not to mention the ship or Lue for the entirety of our "date night" as Antonio called it. He said, and I quote, "Stress accumulates naturally, every couple needs a date night once in a while or the whole thing is doomed."

For the next two and a half hours, it was blissful. The ship was just a ship, my lanyard was just a lanyard, and the sky was beautiful. Huge open windows left us exposed to the dark, endless sea of midnight. Music filtered in from the various shops and our hands held each other warmly with the reminisance of those recent passionate hours. It was peaceful. "Lovi…?"

"Yeah?" I hummed back.

"Are we going to get married someday?"

"We _can_, I suppose."

"I think it would work out, don't you? We wouldn't fight too much."

"That's where you're wrong, we'd fight like dogs until we agree that arguing isn't worth the effort."

"If it makes you feel better, I promise I'll always apologize first."

"Good, because it's probably you're fault that we're arguing in the first place."

He laughed. "We could have kids, too."

"I don't know, kids are easy to screw up…"

"It'll be fine! I'll be the push over and you'll be the prick! It all balances out in the end."

"I'm not a prick!" I playfully elbowed him in the ribs and he submitted instantly.

"I'm sorry! It's all my fault! You were right, you're _always_ right!" He cried, giggles exploding from the Spaniard.

"That's what I like to hear!" I laughed.

Then I noticed that I was the only laughing and stopped to look at Antonio, who was wide-eyed and focused on the large open window.

"_What the hell is that!?_" He exclaimed.


End file.
